Schizo DISCONTINUED FOR NOW

Prologue

I could feel their breath on my neck and in my ears. Their voices wracked my fragile mind with every suggestion and planted thought. It was dreadful. They always tell me what to do and how to live and how wrong I am about everything. At least, Adiran and Boris do. They always told me that I had it coming. That my father was right when he did those things to me.

They never listened to me. They told me I was an idiot and that the medications would only allow The Man find me more easily. Wyatt was on my side though. He always said that I was a good boy and that I didn't deserve the beatings. He was nice to me. My life simply consisted of talking and denying and avoiding human contact. Exciting, I know.

Any shindy I went to would always end in tragedy, as should be expected, because everyone was trying to kill me. Adrian and Boris told me so. Everyone was always out to get me. No matter what.

Liam told me that the voices and three men I saw weren't real. He told me my brain made them up. He promised that if I listened to him and took my medication they would stop telling me lies. But how was I supposed to chose between two things that had been with me my entire life? How could I choose between the things that were most important to me? My brother or the three men only I could see?

My name is Joel Young, and I have Paranoid Schizophrenia.

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I was silent. Everything was silent that morning as I walked down the stairs, fog bumping the windows and dimming the light beyond them. I felt empty inside for once. No one was speaking. My lungs stopped working. Everything was silent. And still. I felt my brother's wavering glance as he waited for my response.

"We're moving"

The sound startled me in my own head. Liam's words echoed over and over in my mind and I couldn't help but feel myself begin to shake. He knew I hated change. He knew it! He knew it!

"You knew, you knew, you knew, you knew," I muttered repetitively looking around the room and trying to lock onto anything but Liam's green eyes. Maybe the crack on the upper left ceiling, or the shaking of the ceiling fan, or the dent in the far wall from that time Liam's friend tried to kill me. Liam frowned and pushed our little brother Peyton behind his legs as he watched me melt down. Peyton grasped onto Liam's pant-leg and stared at me with wide blue eyes. We shared those eyes, we got them from Mama. But Peyton was terrified of me. With good reason. "You promised. You promised. You promised. No more. No more. No more!" I began to shriek and become hostile, stomping around the room and flailing my arms. Boris and Adrian stood off to the side, snickering at me.

That's right. Tell him, Joel. Boris said. I could see his lips moving and watched as his steely eyes glared into me. Liam backed away slightly as I finally sat myself down and began to gently rock back and forth beside the staircase. I held my knees to my chest and let the gentle rocking motion calm me and make my chest feel ever-so-slightly less tight. Liam promised we wouldn't move around anymore. He promised four years ago when Dad was put in jail and Mama passed away. He told me no more moving. He told me no more change. But he lied.

"Joel, please baby brother, there's a doctor in California who can help you. He'll make you feel better, Joel!" Liam's voice was strained. I felt my eyes bubble over with tears as I rocked faster and shook my head.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no..." I mumbled, licking my chapped lips once. We couldn't move. I hardly trusted anyone in Denver! I hadn't had time to check everything and everyone. What if we died on the way there? I didn't know a single person in the entire state of California! They were going to kill me. The Man was going to find me. Adrian and Boris would be angry!

Moving! Hah! He would never really do it. Adrian scoffed, his brown hair fell into his eyes all the time, especially when he was angry. I could see it. His voice was rough like gravel and scary too.