This & That (part 2)

Lonely

I’ve been treated like shit by too many people, I have my guard up at all times, and I’ve built walls because I’m afraid to ever get hurt again. I’m stubborn because if I’m not I get walked all over. I cry easy because I’m emotional and a wreck. I don’t Make sense half the time because I have too many things run through my head at once. I’m not an easy person to understand.

Don’t you hate it when people make a joke about you, about something that you are actually incredibly insecure about and they don’t realize it, but every laugh feels like a stab in your chest, because it hurts so much and brings up memories you’d rather forget. But you can’t say anything, because then people would know your weaknesses. They’d know how insecure you really are. So instead you just laugh it off, and hide the pain you feel inside.

Every day seems the same to me. I sit around and think about how alone I feel, then I wind up rather enjoying loneliness because it’s the comfort of being sad. Sometimes it feels so right, and sometimes I’d like to be around no one for ten straight years. But I know this feeling can’t bring me places, and I know I’m losing lots of ground, but to keep up means to get up. And why does it have to be the world keeps on changing while I just stay the same? I feel like being down doesn’t mean enough to anyone anymore, and I guess the world has made emotion obsolete. And I don’t think I feel the same ’cause after all, who says what happy really means?