Ventricular Arrhythmia

Chapter 11: Peace on chaos

Slowly, everyone in the dorm became familiar with Hyunjin's condition. They learned his story, his daily fights, they learned about his fears and the risks he had to take. They learned every little thing.

His medication started to help him too. His doctor however warned him that it might be for not too long his arrhythmias could return for a while but Hyunjin was okay with that too.

After getting rid of the weight on his chest and having people to love and take care around him. He felt... happy, relieved.

The last weeks were really hectic, long schedules, countless hours of vocal and dance practice. The promotions for their new album made the members sleep deprived, anxious and tired.
They snapped at each other, one coming for the throat of the other. And even in this chaos were Hyunjin was, for a number of non important reasons getting yelled at, he felt oddly peaceful.
He started to have some arrhythmias again, from time to time and his symptoms slowly came back but it didn't really bother him.
His doctor had told him it wouldn't be for long.

They were eating dinner after a heated argument between Felix and Changbin. Felix borrowed a hat from him and Changbin became furious. Nobody dared to speak after Minho started to shout at everyone.

Hyunjin was trying to eat even with his stomach turning to not get in trouble... his thoughts on Chan.
After their confession they treated each other as friends but they were always a little awkward. What were they really? Surely not friends. He felt uneasy, what if Chan was not loving him as a lover but he meant as a family member. What if Chan was just talking nonsense because he was worried, what if he-
All this thoughts made his anxiety almost turn into a panic attack and his stomach started to turn more and more, till he felt a thick substance making its way to his throat and before he could move the acid flowed out of his mouth in front of his plate.

The silent room was now filled with painful noises and hectic wet breaths.

Everyone was surprised. They didn't expect Hyunjin to suddenly throw up nor for it to be non-stop.

Chan who was sitting beside him caught his hair and held him as to not collapse. Felix quickly bringing a bucket to his mouth.
Chan saw the tears pricking Hyunjin's eyes and felt ashamed. How didn't he notice Hyunjin getting bad again?

Some minutes later Hyunjin was done.
He felt extremely tired but... better. His empty stomach was now calm just like his breath and even if his head was spinning and he felt a sting on his right arm, everything was much better, everything was slow and peaceful.

"Jinnie? Are you feeling better?"

Hyunjin couldn't comprehend what was happening around him. He felt his knees buckling and body falling forward, then getting placed gently on the couch in the living room or maybe the floor, he couldn't tell.

"Hey... Hyunjin. Can you hear me?"

He could only tell Chan's voice apart. Everything else was on silent mode. The stinging spread from his arm to his heart soon. It was a strange feeling, but familiar to him as the last two weeks he would feel a pain there from time to time.

"Hyunjin? Are you in pain? Can you hear me? What's happening baby, please talk to me?"

He could tell from Chan's tone and the noises around him that everyone was worried and scared. He couldn't understand the reason why, everything was okay now. He could feel an extreme wave of peace hugging his body he's never felt before. He was more peaceful than the last weeks of unexplained happiness. As his eyes started to close he felt his heart stop and Chan screaming while shaking his body. Struggling, with a stopped heart with all of his remaining energy he touched his hand and whispered an 'I love you'.
Only when Chan screamed the words don't leave me did he know what was happening. Only then he connected the dots. The peace he felt while everything fell apart, the pain in his heart and right arm... then... his forgotten medication...
He felt sorry really. He didn't want to leave them behind, not like this, he wanted to fight but letting go seemed to attractive.
His last thoughts before locking his eyes were 'I'm sorry Chan... I'm sorry guys'

Meanwhile,
When Hyunjin had stopped puking. Everyone noticed his face getting the color of a ghost. Felix was the first to speak, getting no answer. Hyunjin's body gave up on him, eyes still open. Chan caught him last minute and moved him to the couch. As if Minho knew what was about to happen he dialed the emergency number asking for an ambulance. Hyunjin's eyes were zoned out and he was being unresponsive. Chan then seemed to connect the dots too, quickly he checked for a pulse. At first there was really fast one and in a matter of seconds he felt nothing pumping against Hyunjin's skin. Chan's screams were soon heard as he started shaking Hyunjin begging for him not to go, between shaking him awake and sobbing, he felt an ice cold hand against his own and Hyunjin's soothing voice whispering an I love you. He answered back, not really knowing if he was still there to listen to his pleas and I love yous as his eyes rolled in the back of his head and his breathing was barely there, becoming whiter and colder by each second.
It was a rare case for Chan to lose control, watching his long time crush, the person he loved, the one he needed to take care dying in front of his eyes and him being unable to help him, pushed him off the edge.

For and odd reason Changbin was the most calm. He pushed Chan off Hyunjin's body, soon Jisung hugging him their leader to give him a place to mourn, and Changbin did what he knew so well.

He had performed cpr thousands of times while training for his first aid degree. He had saved more than five people from dying, this time he would save his best friend, no matter what.

While he was trying to bring him back to life for 15 minutes the paramedics had finally arived. Watching the scene in front of them... they knew it was too late, the chances for Hyunjin to come back were zero.

Changbin however knew better, the 30 minutes hadn't passed, he could still do something. He had promised to himself he would save his best friend. He couldn't disappoint the others, he couldn't let down Hyunjin.
After losing some of their precious time screaming to the paramedics to give them the defibrillator he focused back on his friend. Everyone was watching Changbin's tries.
Ten minutes later, it all came to a stop.
It wasn't right through the law to continue performing cpr, the 30 minutes had passed, so when the paramedics stopped him, he did.
Hyunjin was not giving any sign of life. Not a pulse, not a breath. Nothing.
Everyone was crying, Chan's sobs not once did they stop. Now it was time for Changbin to breakdown, tears falling like small diamonds from his tired eyes.

"You motherfucking asshole wake the fuck up! Why the fuck are you doing this uh!? Does this seem funny to you? Do you think that if you die everything will be solved!? I didn't know you were that fucking weak! You pussy, giving up just like that? Do you think that Chan will be happy!? No! Everyone will fucking hate you for what you did you weak freak!? You endured all of this to die in one evening?! You came to terms with the death of your parents, with bullies, with your disease, with the hate, with deadly diets, with everything and you are going so easily!?"

"Changbin! That's enoug-"

"No! Minho! Look- it- when he is screaming there is a small heartbeat- the monitor shows it!"

"What Felix no stop being paranoid-"

"Yes! Look. Binnie is right you fatass! In the first difficulty you give up! What a pussy! What would your brother think, you have already let him down so many times, you will do it again?! Chan? What about Chan!? You say you love him too! Is this love!?Don't you think about him? How could you leave him behind and freaking die!? He will die from sadness! We all will, stays will, your brother will! Do you want to be a murderer? Do you want to murder your lover, your family, your friends, Chan? Come on Hyunjin. You are not like that!"

"Felix is right H-hyunjinnie. I- I can't imagine my life without you baby, you are my light, I love you so much I'm sorry I didn't ask you to be my boyfriend. Please wake up for me. I will die without you? Who will I take care of if you die? Who will I love? Baby... spare on me... please come back to me... I want to spend the rest of my life with you love... please... I love you so-"

And the flat line begun to rise up and down again.