The Apple of My Eye -Kaz Brekker (Complete)

Chapter Five

ONE

Laura was not left alone for a single moment on the day under the orders of the midwife.

At first, Laura thought it was because everyone in the house and the young thirteen-year-old girl that Kaz had employed to help Laura since she was in pain to move around, but after the first few weeks she noticed they were always around her because of Laura herself.

She noticed the lack of appetite first. She thought it was because she had to deal with a child crying, peeing, pooping and throwing up all the time, but it wasn't... apparently, it was normal for a woman not to eat very well. Much like it was common for her to feel like she was about to pass out of exhaustion all the time, or that she would miss too much if she slept – so she couldn't rest, but she couldn't function.

She was in this strange limbo where she wanted to look at Jordan all the time to make sure she was fine, breathing and living, but at the same time she didn't want Jordan near her because she was always screaming and making her head hurt.

She loved Jordan, but it was hard to like her.

Laura couldn't understand.

Everybody had told her that she was going to be a great mother and that motherhood was amazing, the best gift that they had ever had in their whole life, romanticizing everything about that life. Then why couldn't Laura bond with Jordan, the baby she had carrying? It was like the child that would kick whenever she touched her belly wasn't the same child that would fuss and cry whenever she tried to help her.

"She wasn't a preemie," said the young girl working for her for the first month or so, a black-haired Kerch girl from the rural part of the next town over. Katja had a Ravkan mother, which meant she would sing Kerch and Ravkan lullabies. "You're lucky! You're so young that I thought I'd see a small baby. But she's so big already!"

Laura wanted to agree with Katja and say that she was indeed lucky, but she couldn't.

In the middle of the night, Jordan would cry and Laura would take her into her arms and cry with the little girl. She would do so in the morning in the afternoon too, but she tried not to cry as much when someone could end up seeing her.

But in the fifth week, just a few days after Jordan had completed a month and Katja was sent back home, Kaz walked into the farmhouse to find Laura sobbing with Jordan on her arms, bouncing around the dining room while Misses Hoult watched, eyes also filled with tears with helplessness.

"She won't stop! I don't know what to do! What am I doing wrong?" Laura was sobbing.

"You're doing everything right, Laura," said Misses Hoult gently.

"I'm not! The child won't shut up!" Laura screamed.

Jordan started wailing even louder. Laura sobbed once more.

Confused to what was going on, Kaz stood on the doorway of the dining room.

"Afternoon," he greeted.

"Kaz!" Laura exclaimed, sounding surprised that he had come at all. Her eyes were red and filled with tears. As soon as she saw Kaz, she started crying again, this time even louder, shoulders shaking as she held Jordan close. "Oh, Kaz!" she lamented.

Kaz looked at Misses Hoult.

"What's happening?" he asked since it was clear that Laura was in no condition to answer.

"I'm a bad mother, that's what's happening," Laura answered, cutting off whatever Misses Hoult was preparing to say.

Misses Hoult got up from her chair and walked near the two.