I walked out of the center, and into the sunlight, the cool autumn air not long after.
Mark sits outside in the car, with Zoe sleeping in the backseat, I smiled and got in.
"You ready?" He asked.
I took a deep breath and nodded. We were heading to the airport, Mark offered to drive.
I was finally getting a fresh start, I hope it's a good one.
"Thanks for waiting."
"Sure." Mark doesn't say much, he seemed upset for some reason.
We soon arrived at the airport. I carried Zoe in my arms, while he helped with the rest of my things, including check-in and customs.
Then we sat and waited,
"I think it's traffic," I muttered anxiously. Mama should have been here with James a while ago.
I try calling and nothing, no one answered.
"You're just going to walk away?" Mark waves in suddenly.
"Um, What?"
"Send him back to jail, I'll back you."
I chuckled, "You're detective, so it's naturally you would think it will feel good to punish the bad guy, but in the real world, that's not how it works, here, you end up in the mess as well, it's not only him who'll end up in a clutter," I say and glanced at the time, we should be boarding in a few minutes.
"He's going to come after you, nothing is stopping him."
"Definitely. But I'm not worried anymore, I'm done being afraid of Luke, or what he might, or might not do, he doesn't scare me in that way anymore, he's lost that power over me when he took my baby from me. What more can he do to me anyway? Kill me? He's done that already."
Silence
"Where are you gonna go from here?"
"I think I'm going to stay with father, I miss him so much. I'll figure out what to do with the rest of my life after that..." I looked down at my baby. "Be the best model I can be for my kids while I can."
Just then, the right time my phone starts ringing,
"Mamma--"
A different voice cuts in,
"I'm not going, mama."
I startled to my feet,
"James?"
"I want to stay here with grandma G."
My emotions run out of control.
"Have you lost your damn mind? You think this is a joke.. Where the hell is you?!"
"Church... Grandma G. said I could stay if I wanted, and I like it here with Joseph, I don't want to leave him behind."
My heart paces--
"James, you have twenty minutes to get your ass to this airport."
"I'll run away."
And, then stops--
"Boy, are you trying to kill me?"
"I'll run away, and you won't ever see me again, if you come I will run away."
"Boy--"
"Please, Mama." he pleaded.
"Pass the phone." There's a rustle on the line before I hear mama's voice,
"Hello?"
"Mama, what do you think you are doing? I asked you to bring James to the airport an hour ago. . What's going on?"
"He says he wants to stay, I can't force him. You want to run away, that's your business, but grandbaby wants to stay in church."
I scoffed, "You think I don't know what you're doing, that's my son, you can't take him from me."
"He's my grandbaby, I can't force him, listen to me, Jane, you get on that plane and don't look back, James will be fine."
"How can I leave him, mama?" I sob.
"How can you look after him in the state you're in? Who do you think you are? Go look after yourself, and when you think you're ready to look him in the eye again, I'll send him over with a bow."
Tears linger,
"He hates me."
"He's a kid."
"Take care of him, Mama." I whispered. I couldn't look after James, I wasn't there yet.
"You know I will... I have to go."
"Mama, wait... Um, thank you." I had to say it at least once.
"For what?"
"I know I haven't exactly been best daughter, but I can't imagine my life without you...and, I didn't mean any of those things I said, I was just--"
"Heartbroken." She fills in, "I get it...just look after yourself, and that baby, be happy and comfortable, that's the best thank you gift you can give your mama. . I'll take care of James, that way he doesn't turn into his father."
I sob...
"Thank you."
The intercom makes another announcement.
"I have to go... I'll text you when I land. . Tell him, I love him."
"Okay.." She hung.
I turned to a confused Mark,
"He's not coming." I muttered, and then finally broke down in tears.
Mark reached and pulled me into a hug, before I pulled away.
"Okay, this is it." I wiped my tears and tried to look happy again,
"Thank you, Detective. " I paused, "To be honest, I never felt the absence of a brother until I met you, you are like a brother I wish I had."
He chuckled quietly,
"Please, don't say that."
"What, it's true?"
"Fine, let's call it that."
"Alright then." I reached for my bag, "We'll get going now, say hi to Jersey City for me, hopefully, one day I'll get to meet her. .."
"She would really like that."
I smiled,
"I'm sorry, I couldn't go to Haven. Rain Check?"
He chuckled,
"Sure."
"Say bye, Zoe... Bye." I turn around and start walking away.
From that moment on, I just learned to make it through the rest of my day with a smile.
The fear that I could screw up my life again with another chance is still deeply instilled in my mind, that uncertainty never leaves, it will take time, hopefully, it comes for me soon.
