Moonmount Castle - LGBT, manXman

17

Lodareth

I wanted to tell him more about Jakob and me. A part of me said that I could trust him not to tell. But something in his gaze made me hold my tongue. It was almost as if he knew already.

"I loved him," I murmured, tearing my eyes from his to look into the fire. Part of me prayed that he'd heard, the other part that he hadn't.

I knew he had when I felt his gentle fingers lift my chin to meet his gaze.

His eyes were calm in the firelight, inviting me to talk.

"I miss him," I said quietly, feeling my throat choke up. It had been a long time since I'd let myself think about Jakob. "He made me feel..."

"It's easier when you have a friend who knows," he said, just as softly. "My mother knew... I could always talk to her."

"My mother never knew... I think the shock would have killed her." He smiled.

"Does anyone know? Back at Moonmount?"

"No. Though I think Seguin might be close to guessing. But he wouldn't tell anyone, even if he did know."

We fell into silence. The only noises were the crackling of dry logs on the fire and the munching of the grazing horses. I sat, half lost in long buried memories, looking at Coda.

The dancing firelight played upon his handsome, boyish face, casting dark shadows across his pale skin. His periwinkle blue eyes were gazing solemnly into the fire.

Without really thinking about it, I reached across and lifted his chin up, so that I was gazing into his eyes. I think we both leaned in together; our lips met softly, tentatively. My breath caught in my throat as he pressed his lips harder against mine. He pulled me closer, his fingers sliding up into my hair, tugging gently.

He lay down beneath me, pulling my body over his. I deepened the kiss, slowly sliding my tongue across his lip, begging entrance. He denied me for a moment, but when I insistently pushed against his lips, he opened his mouth slightly. He gently nibbled my bottom lip while I slowly slid my tongue inside his warm mouth.

Coda moaned softy, his hands in my hair, pulling me closer to him. He slid his hands down my body, moving slowly down my back, where he stopped, allowing his hands to lightly rest on me. I drew back from his lips, and began kissing my way down his neck, nibbling gently, leaving little red marks on his warm skin. He moaned softly beneath me, his hands pulling me even closer. I moved back up and claimed his lips in another sweet kiss. My heart was thundering in my chest. I never wanted to stop kissing him.

I pulled back suddenly as the situation fully sank into my brain, and sat up. He stayed where he was for a moment, his eyes half closed, smiling slightly, before he propped himself up on his elbows.

"What's the matter?" He asked me softly.

"Nothing," I said shortly. I looked down at him again, before I got to my feet. I had to get away from him before I did something I would regret. "No one can know about this."

"I know. I don't want to lose my head over it. You're not that good you know."

I spun round to face him, opening my mouth angrily, when I saw his lazy grin. He could bait me far too easily.

"Coda," I said firmly, trying to keep my voice gentle. "It's too risky. I can't... I have my family to think about. I can't disappoint them."

"Don't tell them," he said, throwing another log on the fire.

I wondered how I could explain my dilemma to him. I found myself wishing more and more that I could saddle my horse and ride off with him; start a new life somewhere in a town far away from Moonmount.

"It's not as easy as that," I said, trying to sound patient. "Just... everything we've talked about tonight, everything that happened... it never happened."

He looked up at me, his expression showing his hurt for a moment, before shutters slid over his eyes, masking his emotions, and he nodded curtly. He rolled over, his back to the fire, and fell silent.

I hesitated a moment, wanting to say something to make him feel better, to try to explain myself. His posture, however, showed me conversation wasn't invited.