When It Is Forbidden

chapter 5

I spent most of the next full day in my room, sleeping most of the time.  I didn’t even bother to change out of my night clothes.  After a lot of crying, and then getting too tired, and then sleeping and crying again, I finally got sick of the miserable cycle.  So, I changed into fresh clothes, brushed my hair, and splashed water in my face from my basin.  Then I went back to my mattress and pulled out the song sheet.  I practiced quietly for the rest of the day, fighting off my hunger by not thinking about anything but the music.

            “Music,”  I whispered softly, a smile forming on my lips as I uttered the word.  The word was so precious, so beautiful I clung to it.

            “Music, music, music!”  I laughed.  I had not remembered how good it felt.  I had forgotten what I was missing.

            I figured that my mood was bright enough, I could face my mother, because my father was at work.  So, I quietly crept down the stairs and found my mother sitting on Father’s chair and staring out the living room window. 

            “Mother,”  I said, startling her.  She must have been deep in thought because she scrambled to find something to say.  Finally she spoke,

            “Hello, dear, I wasn’t sure that you would be making an appearance today.”

            “Mother, who am I marrying?”

            “His name is Ramaal.  He is your brother’s friend.”

            “Mother!  I know him as a brother!  How could I marry someone who I can only see as a friend?  If you wanted to make me happy, then you wouldn’t have sent Rafi away.  You hate me; I know you do!  You just don’t understand anything!”  I screamed, all of my angry emotions flowing out of me.  I raced back upstairs and instead of going into my room, I went into Rafi’s.  I slammed the door shut and collapsed on his bed.  I wanted to cry, but then I also didn’t.  But I couldn’t anyways, I had no more tears left. 

            Instead determination masked my face as I looked out the window at the birds chirping.  How come they could sing, yet I could not. But I just pushed the thought aside.  No time to think of such things.  I walked over to Rafi’s wardrobe and threw open its doors.