Figure

Never Ever

“Good morning,” a sleepy voice from above me cooed. I smiled when I felt arms wrap around my shoulder.

“Go away,” I croaked, making no effort to push the boy off of me and refusing to open my eyes. He tucked his face into the crook of my neck, putting more pressure on top of the smaller boy under him. “Theo, stop it.” I opened my eyes and shifted so he was face down into my pillow.

“Mean,” he puffed as I propped myself up on my elbow and did the best I could to adjust to the sudden sunlight dancing around the room. He turned himself around so he could look at me. He was absolutely adorable.

Checking my watch, I realized that it was already ten in the morning. “We slept in, I said, looking back at the smug boy curled up under the blankets.

“Yes we did,” he replied not even phased. “Come on, though! We don’t need to get up.” He pulled me to his chest and rested his chin on my head. He felt warm and protective, but I couldn’t cuddle with my best and only friend. But I made no move against him.

I sighed. “What’s wrong?” he asked, wrapping his arms around my neck and looking into my eyes. I looked back, unsure of the impression I was giving off.

“I can’t be your boyfriend, you know,” I said. I felt bad about it, but there was no way I could keep a secret relationship like this.

“I know.” I looked at Theo confused. He seemed as cheerful as usual, and I couldn’t detect any disappointment in his voice. “We’re just friends,” he continued.

“Friends don’t cuddle,” I argued, still wanting to breathe in the familiar scent of his t-shirt again.

“Friends with benefits,” Theo finally added under his breath.

“Theo.” He finally frowned and I felt automatically guilty. “I cannot be in a romantic relationship with you.” He loosened his grip on my neck and the wave of regret finally threw me off balance. I had never seen such disappointment in anyone’s eyes before, and I never wanted to ever again. The look he gave me told stories of betrayal and loss, and I knew that he had already had enough of that in his life. The pounds of grief on his shoulders finally became too much and I could tell he was crumbling.

“Never ever?” His voice was cracked and high. I could suddenly picture a baby Theo looking to his true mother with tears in his eyes, finding out he’ll never see her again, saying those same words. But this time, I wasn’t going to nod my head and let him accept it.

Pulling him into a hug, I realized that it wasn’t that I couldn’t be with him, but I needed to be with him.

“You know what I will never do?” I whispered into his ear.

“What?” he forced out.

“I’ll never be able to say no to you.” I hugged him tighter, wanting to solve all of his problems, but only being able to deal with one: me.

“Never ever?” Theo asked again, more eager now.

“Never ever,” I chuckled. I sat up abruptly, pulling Theo up with me. “Don’t tell your parents. I won’t tell mine. I’m so unbelievably unprepared.”

Theo laughed and wrapped his arms tightly around my waste. “That’s fine.” There was an awkward silence before he piped up again. “Can I kiss you?” he asked raising one eyebrow and smirking at me playfully.

“Not yet,” I answered, laughing at how desperate he was. Well, he did need someone to love him.

“But you kissed me last night-”

“You forced that one on me,” I interrupted. “Well come on. Let’s go downstairs.” I climbed out of bed and Theo was only one step behind.