Maybe This Time

Chapter 5

Y/N'S POV

I wake up at 10 am, cook myself a plain breakfast, and proceed to get myself ready since I will wander around New York this day.

I wear a white t-shirt and simple black jeans with white shoes. I get my bag and ride my car. I don't have an exact location to go so I let my hands a steering wheel lead the way.

As I drive across the city of New York my mind mindlessly plays another memory of her. Fuck this.

As I drive down the street, images of her with me walking is striking in my head. Forcing me to see what I had in the past.

The way she clung to my arms and my hands around her waist, securing her that I'm not going anywhere without her. I look away and turn my attention to the road.

First I went to Time Square and saw many hotels and theaters. All the lights are on and the street, despite its large size, is crowded with cars and people. I felt the fast life on this street. We do dates here, we watch theater acts and movies together. Go to our favorite restaurant to eat and talk non-sense, make each other laugh until our jaw hurts. Holding hands, kissed her when I get a chance. Contented on what I had.

I take a break. I go to drive through at McDonald's. I get myself an Iced coffee and 20 pieces of McNuggets. I stop at the nearest park and eat alone.

This is the perks of being an over-thinker, you can't stop yourself thinking about your past and future. You can't stop thinking about that person who you trust with your entire life then left you without saying the exact reason why. That person who promised you to stay through good times and bad times left you in your darkest days. That person who will love you without thinking if you can reciprocate the love that she gave will still love you no matter what happened.

Promises are made to be broken. Don't say promises in a situation that's convenient for you. Don't say you'll stay when you feel okay. Don't make her feel bad about her flaws and imperfections. Don't make promises if you're going to break them. Don't make promises if you can't keep them.

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I decided to pass by Central Park and spend the most time there until the morning. We go here to do a picnic and just lay around. We go to the lake and feed the ducks. Play with children. I have so many memories here that I can't find myself throwing them away.

I bring her here when she's exhausted from work, I lay a picnic table cloth, place her head in my lap, playing with her hair. We didn't talk, but I make sure she felt that I'm here, always. I play her a song with my guitar, just to make her calm. Hugged her and let her cry on my shoulder.

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I lose the track of time and I found myself at the church where our vows and I do's will happen. The church where I'm going to marry her.

I walk to the altar, alone, again. I take a deep breath and take a sit. I roam my eyes on this place, still, the church but some of the parts are new.

"I may be stupid to ask this to you but how is she?" I ask Him. "Is she doing okay? How is her life? Did she been married here?" I chuckle painfully.

"Why did she do this to me? The only things I do to her is to love her, give her everything she deserved but in return, I get a broken heart? What did I do to deserve this? Did I do something bad and this is my karma?" I ask Him again, broken sobs escape on my lips. "What did I do to her to leave me here? On our wedding day?" I let myself cry in the pain.

I thought when I accept this it won't hurt anymore because I already moved on. I thought going back to this place will make me feel okay because I already accepted the fact that she didn't love me. But I was wrong, so wrong.