Fighter-A Phan Story

Chapter Eight

Weeks had passed since then. Falling into the same routine at night, but this time, it was more intimate. There were kisses and cuddles and whispers of love. And it all felt so good. And in Dan's opinion, it was too good. There was always a nagging thought in the back of his mind that Phil hadn't meant it when he said that he loved Dan.

But why would Phil have said it if he didn't mean it?

Why would Phil give him affection that Dan found genuine?

But he realised that he had that nagging thought with everyone he met. Any person that Dan came across and made friends with had their motives questioned in his mind. Then he always convinced himself that they secretly hated him. Then there's the downward spiral of even more depression.

At night, when Dan would wake up with tears streaming down his face and with the hellish want to carve himself until his scarlett blood pooled around him, Phil would hold him down and tell him that it was alright. Phil would tell him to close his eyes and just listen. So he'd listen.

Phil would whisper lovely, amazing things to Dan and tell him that his life was beautiful. Being wrapped in his loving arms, the brunette would slowly feel the sinking of his consciousness and drift off to sleep, only to awake to those bright blue eyes and that lopsided grin that always seemed to reside on Phil's face.

What were they?, Dan wondered. If they were together, then he wanted to know for sure. If they weren't, then he also wanted to know. So somewhere in between the confusion of what he and Phil were, Dan realised that his want to end his life and his want to push Phil down and do what he wanted to him were equally as strong. It was conflicting, irritating, and deadly.

Time was healing the scars on the brunette's wrists but he'd always examine them with his eyes, wanting them to come back. He always wanted the constant reminder of how worthless he was. How hideous he was. How stupid he was.

Then, there were always the sweet words whispered in the mid of the night that would enter Dan's mind.

Beautiful.

Amazing.

Perfect.

Worth more than anything you could ever imagine.

But was it true? Dan was uncertain.

Or was Phil just lying, like when he said that he loved him? 

Or was he not lying about anything at all?

And the downward spiral begins again.

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I KNOW! No updates for awhile on my stories. I'm sorry :( If you go to my latest chapter of Camp Gay (on my profile) called *UPDATE*, you'll see my valid reasons why. I decided to write this chapter really quickly considering that I can't update until maybe Tuesday, or even Wednesday.

Why, you might ask?

I'm going to an Ed Sheeran concert. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) If you know anything about me, you'd know that he is my favourite singer and that I love him SO MUCH.

So, hopefully after the concert, my tired mind will be ready to work again. Sorry this chapter is so shit. It's a bit of a "read this to tide yourselves over until I get back" type thing.

Okay. Love you all! More coming soon x