6 Feet Short of Sane.

Chapter 1: The Chicken.

Just a little note...
Hey guys, welcome to my story. As a writer, I like to be dynamic and versatile in my writing so I write a whole lot of different topics. So on that note, I bring you my new book, it's basically fantasy, but on the religious side of things, like Angels, Demons, Heaven and stuff. I wanted somethin' different and here we are. However, because this is like a comedy, I made some jokes with religious themes in this book. And if you are religious, please don't be offended, I'm religious myself which is why I tried to keep it light. Nothing too offensive or extreme with the jokes. But if you still feel uncomfortable you don't have to read. But if you're cool with all of this stuff, them dive right in, buckle up, and enjoy the evidence of my craziness.

I'm woken up from my wonderful dream about flying fish by my alarm clock.

Today is a Saturday, I don't know why I even set it. I sigh, crawling out of bed and stretching; my eyes find my floor length mirror and I take a look at myself. I was wearing my amazing cow onesie that covered everything except my face, my platinum blonde hair was tied up in a messy bun and my cheeks and lips were rosy pink.

I'm a black chick BTW. Yeah I know it sounds weird, black girl with Platinum blond hair, but I was born like that, and people still freak out about it till now. I'm like the black Cruella.

I put on the hoodie with the cow head and struck a pose.

Damn, I look good.

I giggle to myself and walk down the stairs releasing an ear piercing scream when I saw the huge, hideous creature staring daggers at me, it's intimidating glare a promise of things to come as it lunged forward and me being the absolute badass I am, jumped higher than a kangaroo and hopped on the kitchen counter.

I searched around for any weapons but found none except for the baguette sitting on the counter. I was debating within myself whether to use it or not when the monster advanced towards me. In my panic and terror I grabbed the baguette and hurled it at the monster squishing its body as yucky goo flowed out of its corpse.

Now, where to dispose the body?

I put on some cleaning gloves and a mask using an old piece of wood to scrape it's squished carcass of the floor. Holding my breath, I walked outside to the bin and dumped the offending cockroach in, shuddering in disgust as I walked back into the kitchen.

Then I see the faithful soldier who died protecting me lying on the floor covered in roach goo.

"Oh baguette, I will always appreciate your sacrifice." I say wrapping up the bread in a white cloth and placing it on the sink.

Where are mum and dad anyway? Oh right, on another business trip and because of that they just up and leave their 18 year old daughter alone. Huh, parents. After making myself a filling breakfast I drag my bloating self upstairs still as graceful and beautiful as ever.

I walked back into my room and I'm about to go shower when I remember something. Dashing to my desk I kneel in reverence before the great: Chew-Chew, my pet rabbit also ruler of Egypt or at least he likes to think so.

"I'm terribly sorry O great one I shall feed you right away." I apologize. Chew-Chew pardons me with a little twitch of his ear and I go to pour him some of his rabbit nibbles when I make a disturbing discovery.

They're all gone!

I scream internally, excusing myself from his majesty and dashing into the garage. I'm about to start my car when I realised I didn't pick my wallet.

Groaning in utter frustration, I dash back up grabbing my wallet and zooming back down in record time.

Ha! Beat that Usain Bolt.

Starting my car, it roars to life and I immediately drive off. Trying to get food on time for his majesty and keeping with the speed limit is like going to a high school party and not seeing someone making out. It can't happen. So I did what was best for the environment, I zipped past traffic lights on high-speed.

No really, if I don't get to do something to eat, the environment will be history. And I don't want to die yet, I still have to find a way to push Britain to America, then, I would meet cute British boys without traveling.

I slow down as I approached the pet store just a block away, but to my dismay I see a helpless chicken in the middle of the road.

So why did the chicken cross the road? To die! That's why, to die a brutal death.

I'm trying to scare it off of the road but it didn't budge. Not caring if I looked dumb, I wave my hands frantically trying to get it away. Mind you, all this happened in like 5 seconds.

Next thing I know, I lose control of the wheel as I swerve off the road crashing into a tree. The glass breaks on impact, fragments piercing in various places. The compression of the car also crushing my bones and I could feel my life force leaving me as my breathing became more difficult.

If I run into Karma and the afterlife that bitch is getting bitch slapped no doubt. I can't believe a chicken killed me......... is the last thought I have before I embrace the darkness.