Four x reader (Divergent)

Doubt?

"Do you think she's alright?" There was no reason asking who. Christina and I have been trying to avoid the fear landscape practice topic, and it wasn't going so well. Walking around for an hour saying barely anything except for the, 'how are you?' 'What was yours?'. It was becoming exhausting. Slowly we got onto the concept, until just asking blatantly.

"She'll be alright." 

"That's not what I asked." I stopped for a moment. Questions had started to become my usual conversations, and I would just push them away. I run my hand through my hair and shake my head. 

"I don't know." Christina nods and watches me. My stomach was cramping horribly as I remembered the screaming for help and the crying. I didn't care much for Tris anymore, but it still hurt. I had made many memories with her and now it was becoming an issue. 

"She fancies Four, y'know?" I nod. I don't know if Tris had told her, but it was becoming apparent how annoyed she was. 

"I know." Christina turns. 

"Are you going to tell her?" I look up. 

"Tell her what?"

"What happened between you and him? It would stop her from damaging herself anymore." I shake my head. Tris was always headstrong, always. I know that if I told her, it would no longer be her trying to catch his attention, but it would become a competition. And I don't even know what the competition is. A competition for him? To prove one is better than the other? Maybe it is a competition for a relationship that doesn't exist. "Do you regret it?" 

"I don't know." I look up and smile. "It was great, Christina. But how am I supposed to know if it is something? He knows almost everything about me, and I'm getting scared. I barely know anything about him and I'm slowly learning, but it feels like a race, and he's winning." I slide down the wall, my legs aching from walking for so long. "It's... if this is something, I want it to be equal, even if nothing as much as the other can be told during topics. He knows my past, the serum issue, relationship issues, my mental issues, he probably knows more than that since he would have had to learn about us before we started training, he knows my greatest fears so far. And what do I know about him? His past home life, how he acts... and barely anything else." Christina sits down beside me. 

"You really don't catch a break, do you?" I shake my head. "You should go see him. I saw how you looked when he acted like that." I nod and stand up. 

"Will you be fine walking back?" She nods and smiles, almost immediately leaving. I sigh and start to walk to Four's room. I decide to take the long way around, my chest was hurting and my legs ached, but I didn't know what I was going to say yet. I almost fall back as something hit my shoulder. I look over it and see Tris. She turns and looks at me. I turn and start to walk away. 

"Are you going to tell her?"

I sigh and look at my shoes. "Do you still have a fancy for him?" I didn't want to say the name out loud, just in case. Her eyes stayed on me as she nods. I turn on my heel as my heart beat faster. I thought about what to say as she scanned my face. She stumbled back after a few moments. 

"I thought you didn't like him?" 

"I don't know what I was feeling. But there is something now, I just don't know what." Her eyes hardened. 

"You want to date him?" I think about it for a moment. The thought of that happening, maybe leading to something other than dating thrilled me. "So what? Am I supposed to just back down now? Because you're number one and he would want someone like that?"

"Did he tell you that? Cause I'm not." She stepped forward. 

"I'm not going to back down Y/n. I actually really like him, I know my feelings and I'm not going to lose to someone who doesn't." I straighten myself up and stare at her.