itbomm

chapter 16: when i look in the mirror

A/N: for those who actually like the idea of verena being athan's endgame, well, i've decided to write a side story for original verena x original athanasios!!! it's not the same as it isn't autumn and athanase, but it's my self-indulgence since they're not endgame:

https://starlit-dreaming.tumblr.com/post/663859709314482176/misc-tidbit-maybe-im-afraid-1

it'll be only posted on my tumblr until the side story is completed, and it'll then be posted as a bonus chapter for itbomm!!!

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'This reminds me of our middle school garden party,' Athanase thought, curiously observing the group of adults and children all dressed up. 'The one where Lettie accidentally spilled cake all over you, and you looked like you were ready to drag her by the hair because she said you looked like a toddler's art project.'

'What the fuck are you talking about?' Autumn thought back.

'You know, the same party where Odd called you a harlot because you hated it when Ria was paying more attention to her brother, and you were constantly clinging to her. The same party that your aunt made you dress in all pink — pink dress, pink accessories, pink shoes, an overall pink disaster because they weren't the best shades of pink. You were clearly angry, but your mom promised you a new book on fairy tales and mythology if you behaved for your aunt.'

The silence he gains, admittedly, makes him feel pretty victorious.

'I don't know what you're talking about; I'd never do that.'

She totally did.

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Athanase glances up at his father, holding his hand as he looks at the man curiously. In Toska, from what he could more or less guess, this was an event to find potential marriage candidates and best friends for the only known prince and princess, and while the nobles might consider this their chance to matchmake the children, it was very obvious that Claude had no intentions on securing engagements for him and Athanasia.

It seems that he really was pulling through on his word of finding him playmates. He still had Verena known as his best friend, but it was likely that Claude planned on getting him a sparring partner as well. Maybe he was trying to give him a new friend, much like how Felix is to his father?

The storyline for Toska was pretty much screwed over at this point, since his father ended up seeming attached to him as opposed to being distant.

Athanase wonders if Athanasia noticed it, yet.

A glance to his elder sister, he can see her jolt and shift closer to their father, seeming to shyly hide under their father's cloak. Clearly, she wasn't much for the attention — Athanase didn't like being stared at like a zoo animal, either, but there's nothing that could be done about it.

Except...

Their father glares at the crowd, and gently brushes Athanasia's bangs out of her eyes. It looked like he was going to pat her head, but with the tiara sitting on top of Athanasia's head, it would've been difficult to do so. Something about the action made him feel bitter — it was an ugly feeling that wraps around him, constricting him.

.

(If everyone stays and protects his sister from falling...

Then would anyone help Athanasios at all?

.

He remembers the pain, the feelings festering at that moment, the way his eyes were shut tight as he tips forward. He remembers his eyes burning from his tears as his heart plummets to the ground, the feeling of harsh scrapes to the skin, an explosive impact to his bones even if he doesn't scream. He remembers the wind blowing through his hair like broken violin strings, the cold stinging and harsh like a slap to the face.