empathy

SEVENTEEN

Anastasia has learned to do sutures at a very young age, mostly on herself. She still has the rather ugly scar on her side from when she tried it the first time; the irony was the suture only made it worse.  

It ignited itself and forced her to go and see a doctor, or rather a nurse. 

Agnes. She was a nurse working at the hospital, one of those who give of motherly feelings, those who help you without judging no matter what. She was the sweetest, teaching Anastasia what she had to know, showing her how it's done correctly and offering her a sleeping place whenever her home was just too much. 

When Antonina came into their world, Agnes was the one to show Anastasia how to take care of her, how to take care of a baby and how to raise someone. 

Agnes was their mother in all but blood, the one person that has never doubted her, the one person who kept on believing in the good within her.  She was there through everything. All the nights Antonina kept on crying, all the times Anastasia was nothing but a bitch, all the few times their father yelled at her for taking his kids. She was there. 

And now she isn't. Her daughter took Agnes back to Seattle with her after Agnes retired and couldn't take care of herself any longer. Anastasia thinks Agnes took the last bit of her heart with her when she left. 

Antonina was two and so not an easy child, she screamed and yelled and didn't sleep through one night a week. It was the time Anastasia started smoking and drinking and all that stuff; just to be able to cope with her sister. Hell, she was fourteen; she shouldn't have had to deal with her sister at all. 

For a year, Anastasia has been more of a shell than she is today, never speaking lower than a yell, never looking at one for longer than a minute without rolling her eyes, a whole year she spent drinking and smoking rather than attending school at all. Hence her now being a year behind. 

Every time she looked in the mirror, she saw nothing more but their father. A man not looking like them on the outside but a man she has grown too much to be. Alcohol, smoking, aggression; it pained her but instead of trying to do anything about it, she just drowned it in more of it. 

And then Antonina started walking, following her sister around as much as she could and something inside of her just... changed. Antonina lit up a fire Anastasia believed long since frozen. A fire spreading with every smile she sent her way up until the part of her heart reserved for Antonina shone the brightest of white. 

And yet this light dims every time Anastasia finds herself unable to protect her sister; guilt and self-blame clawing on her insides and wrapping the thinnest layer of black around it. Like a net caging its fish. Like the window in a prison. 

A whimper pulls her out of her thoughts and Anastasia bites the insides of her cheek as she sends Antonina a tense smile. God, a child shouldn't have to go through this. No one should. 

"Wait here, alright?" Anastasia kisses her sister's head gently before leaving her room, locking the door and taking the keys with her. Flinching ever so slightly at the sound of a crash from downstairs, Anastasia makes her way into her room; rummaging through blanket and pillows on her bed until she has finally found her phone. 

Her thumb hovers onto the buttons, unsure whether or not she should actually do this until an instinct like feeling kicks in; her thumb moving on his own as she presses call. 

It doesn't ring long, two times. Maybe three before the familiar booming voice picks up. "Well, well, if it isn't little miss princess calling." "I... you... I need your help," Anastasia forces herself to say. This is for Antonina, she reminds herself as a disbelieving huff leaves his lips. 

"Help? You need my help? You? What, you dying? Or did you murder someone and need me to bury their corpse?" he jokes, his smirk falling as she doesn't react. No chuckling, no breath, just... nothing. "I, uhm, Antonina" she brings out, frowning a little deeper when rustling can be heard on the other end of the line. 

"Is she alright?" Emmett asks, wiping some blood off his chin as he starts his way towards her; abandoning the dead animal. "Can you just come here?" she breaths before hanging up; throwing her phone back on her bed as she drives her hands over her face, tearing her hair as she allows herself to let go for barely a second before making her way back to Antonina's room. 

"Hey, darling," she whispers while crouching down in front of Antonina. Darling? God, she has spent way too much time with Jasper. "You remember Emmett, right? And Dr Carlilse?" she asks her. Antonina nods a little confused. "They offered to take you on an adventure, is that alright?" Anastasia asks her sister, who once again nods. More excited this time. 

"Great. Great. Come on, let's pack your bag. You want the pink one or the yellow one?" Anastasia puts on a smile, helping Antonina pack her back. Yellow. Midway through a slam is heard from downstairs, indicating their father left; but neither of them pays much mind to it and yet neither of them can deny the dragging weight lifted off their shoulders. 

"Come here," Anastasia picks her sister up, stroking a strand of hair behind her ear before leaning in to kiss her temple. "I love you, you know that? I love you more than you could ever imagine," she means softly. "Love you, too," Antonina mumbles, her fingers reaching up to pull her sister's lips in a smile. 

Grabbing the bag as well when, who she supposes to be Emmett, rings the bell, Anastasia quickly grabs a hold of herself. 

"Hey. Look who it is. How have you been, MiLady?" Emmett grins at Antonina, who giggles happily. Though, his grin quickly falls as his eyes land on the bruised neck in front of him. On the stitches on her cheekbone. Glancing over to Anastasia, who can't even look him in the eye for longer than the split of a moment, he engulfs the young girl in a tight hug the moment her sister puts her down. 

"You going to take me no adventures?" Antonina pulls away to look at him with an excited smile present on her face. How she is able to smile at him like that even though... it is beyond him. "I will," he replies after locking eyes with Anastasia for a moment. "Do you want to...?" he trails off as he looks at Anastasia, who shakes her head no. 

"Alright. Why don't you wait by the car over there, MiLady?" he turns to Antonina, who nods and skips over to the jeep he was pointing at. "She's allergic to strawberries," Anastasia interrupts him before he can speak up. "And she doesn't like mushrooms but she'll eat them anyway. She just... she doesn't like them," she adds. "Dr Cullen, he, uhm, he should know the rest," Anastasia states; her voice strong despite the stuttering and Emmett nods, surprisingly gently. "Take care of her," her voice finally breaks and he can once again do nothing more but nod as she has already disappeared into the empty house. 

Sliding down the door as some kind of dam breaks and floods of tears run down her face accompanied by ugly sobs rolling off her tongue. 

For a moment he considers knocking at the door, offering her to stay at theirs as well but Antonina quickly catches his attention; leaving him to plan to talk to her tomorrow. She'd be able to stand another day, would she? She's strong, she got this. 

Right?