Once Upon A Prostitute

CHAPTER 51 - NOTHING TO LIVE FOR

Journal entry

Some search for bravery to fight. Some search for bravery to die.

Mina

By the time I reach the top of the stairs, I am trembling. I am not sure why. There is no one bully me or scare me, but the memories are stronger now. It feels almost real again. It is overwhelming. Remembering I have a bottle of pills in my jacket pocket, I open it and pop one in my mouth.

I get to the door of the bedroom I had shared with Tetura and two other girls. There are two double-bunk beds to my left and right, set up against the wall. Opposite the room door where I stand is the bathroom door. To right and left flanking the bathroom door, are wardrobes lined against the wall. They are so small that most of our things remained in our suitcases under the bunks.

"You need to unpack your things" Candy says eyeing my suitcase as she sucks on her lollipop. "If you don't want the wardrobe, abeg give it to someone else."

I have refused to unpack. I can't bring myself to. Unpacking means accepting this life and I have no intention of staying here. Even with all the pain and abuse I have been forced to endure these past few days, I still cannot accept this as my life.

"Candy, give her a break please. She's hurting" Tetura says. She is sitting at the foot of my bed while I lay on it stared into space.

I was raped two days ago by three men. It was the most painful experience I have had in my entire life. There are no words to describe how I feel. I feel ripped and raw, bare and broken. I feel like something precious was stolen from me and part of me is mad at the injustice, but a bigger part of me is frozen in fear. I feel like I am still naked and without clothes even though I am fully clothed and under a thick duvet. It is hard for me to leave the room. I don't want anyone to see me. I faced the wall most of the time and sob silently. I still have bruises on my face from when they hit me for resisting. After they first man succeeded, I stopped fighting. What was the point? I just laid there and prayed for it to be over quickly. It wasn't. It was long and torturous. A doctor came to see me. He cleaned up my bruises and said I would heal in a couple of days. Maybe my body will heal, but these scars will be seared unto my soul forever.

"Hurting...mtchew" Candy sniggers. "E get anything wey dem do her wey dem no do us? We die? Eh...we die? Twirl, abeg no dey talk that hurting thing, e dey make me vex." She says waving her lollipop around before sticking it back into her mouth. She sits down on the opposite bunk and mugs me. "Let madam pepper come and catch you like this first. Two days don pass, you just lie down here dey mope. Better unpack your suitcase oh. You're not going anywhere"

"Go where?" Lily chips into the conversation from the top of her bunk. "Journey never even start"

They laugh and I feel the beginning of new tears. I don't understand why they have to be so mean. Tetura squeezes my arm lightly offering comfort.

"No one gets out, so don't even be stupid and think about it" Lily says. "They'd just find you with the chip, and it will be worse. Have you watched the videos of what they did to girls that escaped? Terrible. My advice, the earlier you start trying to live your life here, the better for you. Three years isn't so far away"

"Please talk to her for me oh. I've been telling her for days now" Candy laments and stands up. "Who carry this kind buddy give me sef? She just dey make the buddy tin hard for me. Mtcheew. Abeg, I'm going to the mall"

"Ehen, pls you'd help me buy something" Tetura says, following Candy out of the room.

That was the day she bought me a birthday cake, a cupcake with a candle on it. We were already friends, but we became super close after that. How could someone think of making someone else smile in a place like this? She was a rare one.