I thought about you a second too long. This extra moment seems unsubstancial. Like nothing. Yet it was enough to really make me miss you. I thought about you a second too long and I began to miss your smile. I miss your laugh. I miss your casual calm. Your enthusiam about nothing inparticular was entoxicating. Your hypnotizing gaze that held mine shorter than desire but enough to satisfy craving. There was never a moment spent with you that bored me.
But in this second too long to be swallowed down without sadness, I realized I may never see you again. I will never know the beautiful man you will become, nor the glorious empires you will build. I have faith, yes, faith that you'll have a wonderous life with or without everyone we used to know. Even me.
But you didn't have to cut me out, make it like we never happened and then we were nothing. Not that I take anything for granted, because I look back on our memories as an experience. I learned alot; about you, myself, but mostly the risks I had no idea I was capable of taking.
If not for you I wouldn't have known how to live, how to be sad, how to emerge from depression, and mostly how to love. My first love, I will never forget you. I don't even need your love. How we are now, we might as well be strangers.
Living without you, sometimes it's rough.
But I make it through, forever without you.
(Again, apologies for the blunt inconclusive and unsatisfying ending, but these drafts have too long sat idle and I'm done looking at them in vain.)
