𝘚𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 | A Top Gun Fanfiction

Chapter 1: 𝘓𝘰𝘴𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘰𝘴𝘵

Another nightmare - another nightmarish flashback. To the crash. To the taste of death, a flavor that lingers in my mouth. It's bitter and dry and I choke on it as my lungs fight for air. My entire body is weighed down to my mattress and soaked in my own terror. I've completely drenched my sheets and pillow in a bucket of ice cold sweat. All the blankets are torn up and half tossed over the edge, cascading across the floor, pointing towards the empty bed parallel to mine. The irony is cruel. It makes my insides shiver and threaten to shut down. Everything, inside and out, physical and emotional, hurts like Hell.

I feel like Hell.

It's a terrible feeling, but I need it.

If it goes away, I'm scared I'll move on.

Forgetting the crash is the real nightmare. The one I suffer through in the daylight. Yeah, I'm not only tormented at night, but in the day as well. From sunup to sundown, I relive my grief.

I hear the boom before disaster.

Before death.

A sharp knocking at my door startles me. I sit up quickly, tangled in a knot of sheets. My long blonde hair is stuck to my forehead and neck. I brush at it and fumble with my words. I haven't been speaking much lately. There isn't much to say. Not to the people I have with me. If she were here, if my RIO was still alive, I'd remember what it's like to formulate words. I've been mute for too long and even before that, I was deaf for a time. My ears took weeks to recover from the close up explosion. My body took around the same time.

Not that it feels much better now.

There's less blood, a familiar voice whispers in my head.

So? We're girls, we see more blood than we're given credit for, I reply.

The knocking interrupts the rest of the conversation.

I sigh. Here goes. "Y-Yes?"

"Stirrups, report down to Commander Comet, quick as you can."

The voice is stern, but it falters near the end. Maybe it's just because I'm sleep deprived, or maybe I'm still suffering some hearing loss after the accident, but I can't quite figure out who's relaying me this order. Either way, I summon all my vocal strength and croak out:

"Yes Sir."

Then, I hurry to get out of bed and get dressed into my uniform. I don't bother making my bed, though I know I should. It's not like anyone is checking my room soon. There's not a lot of girls on this carrier. Thanks to Commander Comet, no boys can enter a female bunk. As I lazily run a brush through my hair, pulling it into a ponytail, I close my eyes and pretend someone else's fingers are threading through my hair. Her gentle laugh surrounds me. Encasing me in an embrace I ache to return. When I open my eyes, there's no one. Just me and a ghost I carry around my neck, habored in two dog tags that don't belong to me. Sometimes they feel like the Ring of Power, weighing down on me. I've always appreciated the strength of Hobbits, now more than ever. As I open my door and step out into the hall, I tell myself, Frodo could do it, and let my feet move thoughtlessly down to the Commander's office.

It's early in the morning, hardly anyone is up.

I don't pass any superiors in the hall which is nice.

Stopping and saluting everyone really did bug me...

Now I'm too lost to let anything hurt me anymore.

Besides, Vix-She isn't here to laugh my grumbling off and remind me the importance of paying respect to those above us. What's the point of getting all worked up about something so small? Something pointless?