The Insane Journey

Chapter 44

 Judith awoke to a bell chiming and found herself on a small cot in a sparse brick room. It took her a moment to remember that she was in a convent in Tours. Then the previous day’s events came rushing back to her.

 While driving past Toulouse, she had received a call from Sister Gertrude, who was her closest friend in the ninja training convent. Judith pulled over and parked the SUV so that she could focus on the conversation.

 Gertrude told Judith about the accident and the revelations about Father Forge. It was clear to the sisters that he was a deluded man, jealous of Maxwell and exploiting the nuns in order to get revenge over an affair Maxwell had with a woman that Father Forge was in love with – though she was not in love with him. While Maxwell was no Christian, he was not a demon either – just an irresponsible man with some poor values.

 Judith started to protest that maybe Maxwell really was demonic and was tricking them, but when pressed to explain herself realised that any explanation she could offer would involve admitting that she had not only had premarital sex, but had done so with a woman and enjoyed herself beyond words.

 Well, maybe she would not have to go into details about the ‘beyond words’ bit, but she’d have to divulge more information about her recent behaviour than she wanted to do at the time. Even her dear friend Gertrude might not understand, let alone condone, premarital lesbian sex.

 Or so Judith assumed. The truth was that Gertrude was considered by a small handful of the sisters to be something of a connoisseur of premarital lesbian sex. Her probing fingers, it was said, enabled many a young woman to see the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, not to mention nirvana, simultaneously. However, Gertrude was sensitive to Judith’s charming naiveté and, although occasionally tempted, had never seduced Judith, nor even mentioned her sexual pastimes.

 After the call, Judith sat in the SUV and stared at the road for a while. She really did not know what to do. She wanted to go back to Lucy; to be held and kissed and comforted by the older woman, but having run away from Lucy, she was not sure she would be welcome in those wonderful arms again.

 Why had she run away? What was she thinking, leaving Lucy? Then again, Lucy did not love her. What would an intelligent, successful scientist like Lucy want with a silly ex-ninja – but still a nun – like her? A nun who was feeling kind of stupid, in fact.

 Lacking any better ideas, Lucy decided to revert to the plan she had discussed with Lucy in Cape City a few nights before. She would go to Tours and hope to be accepted into the convent there. She did not anticipate any problems. Convents are pretty good about accepting nuns, especially nuns willing to help out with chores.

 Once she made her decision, she started the engine, put the SUV into gear and drove all the way to Tours, stopping only for petrol. She arrived at night but, as she had expected, she was warmly welcomed at her one-time home. She was exhausted. After prayers, she collapsed in the comfortable cot in the small but cosy bedroom and within seconds had fallen asleep.

 As she lay in the cot the following morning, the past few days’ events resurfaced in her mind. She felt emotionally overwhelmed. She had tried, and nearly succeeded, to kill a man. She had lost her virginity to a woman. She had fallen in love. She also felt vaguely responsible for the accident that had killed Ivan.

 She reckoned she should pray for forgiveness, but she was not entirely sure which bits of her activities had been sins and which were cool with God. Her church had told her that it was a good deed to kill Maxwell, but wrong to have sex before marriage and worse to have sex with a woman. But time alone with Lucy had been magical and more spiritual than anything she had previously experienced. That could not be so bad, could it?

 But, of course, she had run away from Lucy. Should she go back and beg for forgiveness? Would Lucy take her back? Lucy didn’t love her. Maybe Lucy had gone back to Maxwell.

 No, she would not think in that direction. It only hurt. But it was hard. The best thing to do, she decided, would be to call Lucy and apologise. To talk to her.

 Judith got out of bed, found her handbag, dug out her phone and rang her lover. There was no answer. At the tone for voicemail, she could not think what to say until the line disconnected. Not much of a voicemail. She’d try later.

 In the meantime, she’d have a go with prayer and meditation and hope that God could help her answer some of these questions. She knew God talked to important people in the church, like Father Forge (but was he important? If not, why did God talk to him?) and the other senior priests and nuns, but God had never spoken to her. Nevertheless, she would pray hard and listen for divine advice.

 As she prayed, she wondered what God’s voice would sound like and whether or not she would even recognise it.