September Snow • Larry Stylinson

Chapter 1

Niall tightly closes his eyes and rests his head on the edge of the steering wheel. The car's engine and radio are already shut off, leaving the small space in a comfortable silence. He leisurely counts down the seconds in his head, knowing that this isn't going to last much longer.

With an almost inaudible sigh, Niall heaves himself out of the car and makes his way towards the door of the flat. He knows Harry is going to be a mess today. Well, an even bigger mess.

"Harry, I'm home." Niall yells as he pushes the door open. All of the lights are off, only the dim shadows of the television on in the living area are illuminating the room.

"I brought home something from work if you're hungry." Niall states this time, just loud enough so Harry can hear. There is no reply.

Niall turns on some lights before hanging up his coat. He then places the leftover food in the refrigerator, knowing for sure that it won't be eaten anytime soon. Next, he ventures into the living area to find the couch empty, which is nothing surprising.

None of this is new for him. It has become a bit of a routine. He would wake up in the morning, make breakfast for Harry that usually wasn't eaten, go to work, come home and maybe say a simple goodnight to Harry. But even that was rare.

It all started eleven months ago when Niall moved in. Harry was broken, shattered, and still in shock after everything that had happened the month before. Niall was Harry's closest friend at the time and never saw him so lost. Harry stopped going to work, talking to friends and family, and eventually never left the house. Niall didn't trust him alone and everyone (as in Anne, Robin, and Gemma) decided it would be best if they moved in together. He doesn't regret his decision. He loves Harry and wants to do everything he can to help him, but sometimes it's hard.

After sitting down on the couch, Niall lazily skims through the mail sitting on the coffee table. A frown appears on his face when he notices that they are all bills. Carefully, he tears open the one he knows will be the worst and cringes at the sight. The rent has almost doubled over the last few months. At this rate, he is going to have to get another job. He stares blankly at the piece of paper for a few minutes before deciding he has to talk to Harry about this, it can't keep getting put off.

Niall slowly walks down the hall and lightly taps on Harry's door.

"Harry, I need to talk to you about something." He speaks loudly from the other side of the door. Again, there is no answer. With a huff, Niall retrieves the key from on top of the door frame. It is always kept there for emergencies and yes, there have been many of those. He is just lucky the door could be locked from both inside and out.

Harry shows no emotion when Niall waltzes into the room. He continues to sit on his bed with his back propped up against the wall, as far into the corner of the room as he could be. His grey hoodie is zipped up tight, the two strings tied together in the perfect little bow. The sight makes Niall's heart ache, it always does. He is half taken back to find Harry sober since he's been coming home to find him drunk quite often. Other times he just sleeps the day away.

"So," Niall clears his throat trying to gain Harry's attention. "I wanted to talk to you about the rent..." He trails off. Harry looks up, urging him to keep to talking.

"It keeps going up. I'm doing everything I can to stay up to date on the bills but it's becoming impossible. I can't work anymore hours at the diner, Harry. It's wearing me out." Niall does his best to remain calm, but his tone slowly rises. "I know this is a lot for you and I didn't want to talk to you about this today, but we have no choice. You have to start thinking about doing something and getting out of here. If you don't get a job soon, you're going to lose this place." Harry remains silent and Niall shakes his head. "It's been a year, Harry. You need to move on."

The comment rolls off of Harry almost instantly. He couldn't count the number of times people have told him to just 'move on already.' It doesn't work like that.

"If you're going to stand there and tell me what I already know, you can get the hell out." He snaps, wanting nothing more than to be left alone.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Niall asks quietly as he starts to leave the room. "Louis wouldn't want-"

"Don't fucking say his name, Niall." He warns, "Don't."

Harry relaxes once the the door closes again and he remains alone. He did feel bad for treating Niall like that, guilty you could say, but they are both used to his outbursts by now.

He didn't always act this way though. For years, Harry was the happiest, funniest, and kindest person you would ever meet. He would never yell or raise his voice. And he was always finding the good in every bad situation. But maybe you could thank Louis for that.

Louis and Harry met in high school and were joined at the hip ever since. Louis was new to town and was nervous about going to a new school, none of the past ones worked out. He was beyond surprised when someone as perfect as Harry started talking to him and wanted to be his friend.

Louis was a mystery to Harry. He could be extremely flamboyant and outgoing most days, yet sometimes there were days when it seemed like he was just going through the motions. That sparkle in his eyes just wasn't there. Whatever Louis was hiding, Harry wanted to be the one to find out. And he did. Their relationship kept rapidly growing stronger, and eventually they decided to take it to the next level. Both boys had indescribable feelings towards one another and Harry fell for Louis with all he had.

Unfortunately, Louis was more broken than he liked to perceive. He had been bullied practically his whole life and it didn't stop until he started hanging out with Harry. No matter what he did, he still didn't feel good enough or worthy enough. His past would haunt him every night and he felt utterly worthless. Louis had become addicted to self-harming as a way of coping with his emotions. He knew it wasn't right and he knew it wasn't normal, but he felt he deserved every cut he gave himself. He simply punished himself.

After meeting Harry, he was able to stop this bad habit for quite a while. He stayed clean for a total of two years, but then it all came crashing down. It was as if a switch was flipped and he spiraled out of control. He was done trying and he was done fighting. It was a war within himself that he thought he would never win. So after five years of being in a relationship with Harry, he apologized time and time again. And one week later, he got his wish.

Harry blamed himself every night for not doing enough to help him. Whether it was taking away the pills, the razors, anything. He should've done more.

When Harry found Louis dead that morning in September, a piece of him died too. And that is a piece he will never get back. The memories of that day still torment him, even one year later. He wishes more than anything that he died with Louis, because life isn't worth living without him. Harry knew it must hurt losing someone to suicide, but he never fully understood the pain until the one person that meant the most to him was taken away. He gets it now. Suicide doesn't take the pain away, it just gives it to someone else. And that someone, is Harry.