Angst. This whole chapter is angst because that's just how I've been feeling. No happy ending. Sry. Mentions of suicide and depression.
The saying people who try to make everyone the happiest are usually the saddest was very accurate. Sykkuno always felt sad. He would be curled up in bed sobbing into his pillow at least 4 times a week. He just needed everyone else to be happy. He needed to make sure no one else was going through what he was.
The only time he was allowed to be sad was when it was just him and Corpse in a call. Whenever he was trying to ease him back to the real world.
Sykkuno would be sitting at his computer. He would be freaking out with tears streaming down his cheeks. He would refuse to open his eyes just trying to listen to anything but his heavy breathing. Corpse would always try to help.
So whenever Sykkuno got a message saying that he needed to prepare he tried. He really really tried. The message in front of him was making tears stream down his cheeks. Making his breathing heavy. Making him wish for anything other than to be alive. He wanted to beg for Corpse. He wanted him there to make him feel better but now he knew that was the worst thing he could do.
Sadly the message was breaking his heart more than anything else. A voice message that was painting an image through his head of just how horrible he was. How selfish he was.
"Rae I cant do it anymore. All I ever do is help him. It's the same thing constantly. Everytime I help him through something it's just another setback. Hes happy then he cries. It's that in repeat. I need it to stop. I care for him but not this much. He needs to realise I cant keep doing this over and over."
Sykkuno wanted to know if it was fake. It was definitely Corpse's voice. Deep and this time dark. Usually Sykkuno felt like his voice was the light in the darkness. He felt like he could do anything when Corpse was there. Like his whole world was being fixed. Now it was crumbling. Leaving him to his thoughts of just how right Corpse was. He was selfish for always going to him. He was a mess that couldnt be fixed. He was the issue. All these problems he kept going to everyone with weren't just problems. They were him.
Sykkuno didnt know when he fell asleep all he knew was he woke up with tear stained cheeks and and eyes. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot making him look crazy. He wished that's all it was. He wished he just felt crazy. He finally looked up and saw his computer still on. The bright light seemed blinding but he honestly didnt care about that. He had a discord notification. When he saw who it was from he shut his computer off and went to lay down. He needed to sleep at least a little more.
When he woke up again he was missing the bloodshot eyes, the tear stains, and his eyes were no longer puffy. Now all it was, was a splitting headache. He would normally just lay down for a few more minutes but now he just needed medicine. He rummaged through the cabinets looking for aspirin or ibuprofen. When he didnt find either he just huffed in frustration. However when he looked at the many other pills he suddenly realised how to make it go away. He realised how to make amends with Corpse. He could finally stop going to him for everything. He could fix it all and all it would cost is a couple of pills.
When he picked up the bottle he wanted a soothing voice to tell him no but he got no such thing. Instead he was left alone to emptiness of the room. The lights off, everyone else asleep. It was the perfect time. So he swallowed 6 of them. Even of 2 was enough to kill him.
When Corpse went to turn on his computer he didnt expect to see the message. A small discord notification that made his heart soar. Sykkuno was okay. He had read the message carefully and almost immediately called rae.
"Rae where's Sykkuno!" He shouted the moment she answered him.
"Hes probably asleep, why?"
"Please go check on him."
Sure enough Corpse heard her looking for Sykkuno only to be horrified when he heard Rae scream.
"SYKKUNO. SYKKUNO PLEASE."
"Rae what's going on?" Was that Toast. Corpse couldnt tell.
"TOAST HES NOT BREATHING. HES NOT!"
"What are you talking about?"
After those words Coepse heard sobbing. Then Rae left the call. Everything was black. Everything seemed darker. Was that how Sykkuno always felt?
