Flashmaster (Short Horror and SciFi)

Potassium

The night was weird, Shelly thought as she swung out of bed and put her feet on the floor. Silver light from the full moon was filtering in through the windows and, as she passed the door to the back porch, she noticed an uneasy fog milling around the yard. She yawned at it and scratched a handful of hair. The fog reminded her of something. Something she'd known maybe but then forgotten.

She shuffled into the kitchen, headed for a drink, and flipped on the light. She screamed.

In front of her, a tall man in a black cape with red lining stood up from where he was bent over her kitchen cabinets and hissed at her menacingly.

She screamed again and then stopped abruptly. "What's that?" She asked.

The vampire swiped at its mouth, then held its arms out, spreading its cape dramatically. "I have come to suck your blood." It said in a voice thick with accent.

Shelly recoiled backward but was puzzled. "Wait a minute." She said from behind her blocking hands. "You had a banana stuck on your fangs."

"Did not." The vampire sounded insulted.

Shelly uncoiled a little. "It's still in your hand."

The vampire looked at his pale, white hand wrapped around a firm, yellow banana. He dropped it as if it were on fire. "They were just appetizers before I came to suck your blood." He stressed the last three words and grimaced menacingly.

"What? First of all..." Shelly was overcoming her fear. "They? What did you do with the rest of my bananas?"

The vampire let its arms drop and a half dozen shriveled, drained bananas were revealed on the counter.

"Jees. You ate a..."

"Sucked."

"You sucked a half dozen bananas? What kind of vampire are you?"

The vampire hung its head and ran a manicured finger along the edge of the counter. "I've been having this problem with flaky skin. My doctor says I'm not getting enough potassium."

"Flaky skin? You're an undead monster. You're supposed have flaky skin."

The vampire cleared its throat. "News of this could be..." He paused. "very embarrassing. Perhaps there is some way I could encourage you to forget this incident, something I could do for you?"

"Forget it, Vlad the Banana impaler." Shelly grabbed a broom from beside the refrigerator and held it out in front of her. "Now get out." She started swinging.

The vampire acked and protested then, with a poof, turned into a bat and flew out the window. Shelly shook her head, swept the punctured bananas into the trash, closed the window and headed back to bed.

She stopped in mid-yawn as she was making her way down the hall. Quietly, her hand stole to the telephone stand where yesterday's newspaper lay. She lifted the A section up and rolled it gently into a tube. As impossible as a vampire in the kitchen had sounded, there was clearly a werewolf drinking from the toilet stool. Something about full moons, Shelly mused, advancing.

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