fragments of my life [MERDER]

SIXTEEN

Three months had passed, and Meredith still hadn't told Derek. 

She had no idea that he'd checked himself back into therapy, no one except Mark actually did, and was doing a whole lot better, and he was well on his way to making a plan to get his wife to trust him again. He'd finally realised the magnitude of his actions and had accepted Meredith's response - her leaving, and no longer was angry constantly. Meredith had even begun to trust and forgive Derek little by little, and although she wasn't the whole way there, her heart began to ache being away from him, but she still couldn't find the strength she needed to tell him. She hated herself that she couldn't just pick up the phone and call him, or text him, but every time she got even remotely close, she found a reason to back out.

She knew Derek would probably never forgive her, maybe even resent her, for keeping his children a secret from him, but it was a risk Meredith was willing to take, purely out of fear of telling him in the first place. Alex had been and gone, and eased most of Meredith's doubts, but when he brought up telling Derek, she immediately shut him down. Not now, she remembered saying, but she would. She definitely would.

Meredith was six months along, and her previously skinny frame was now showing a large bump, larger than normal due to her carrying twins. Her ankles were constantly swollen, she was always exhausted, and boards were coming up soon, so whatever time she didn't spend at the hospital, she spent at home, studying with Jade and Kieran. She wouldn't exchange the feeling of being pregnant for the world, though. Every time she felt the flutter of her babies kicking, she smiled, knowing that this was all they'd ever wanted - the missing piece of their puzzle. Meredith and Derek's missing piece; but he wasn't here.

Jade and Kieran noticed Meredith's indecision over telling Derek, and essentially gave her the ultimatum that by the time they had completed their residency, no more than a few weeks after their boards, she must tell Derek. Meredith thought that was a fair idea, and was taking her time to work up the courage to divulge fragments of the past five months to her husband.

To take her mind off of things, two months ago, Jade and Kieran had the idea of helping Meredith setting up the nursery in the Boston house, knowing full well that she would end up telling Derek about the twins, forgiving him, and moving back to Seattle to be with him - but they didn't mind. They always said that this could be her home away from home, so it would be a nice touch to have a nursery here too. The nursery was almost complete after two months of browsing websites online, countless trips to the baby store and IKEA, and painting. 

Jade and Kieran initially only wanted to help Meredith set up the nursery, but it turned into Meredith lying on the recliner they'd bought for the nursery watching - no, ordering - Jade and Kieran. They had gone for an off-white theme with soft touches of pastel colours, as Meredith was still in the dark about the twins' genders. The room looked adorable, with a nice white chandelier hanging from the ceiling, long white curtains flowing by the open window, and a cream coloured rug to lay across the dark brown, hardwood floor. Jade and Kieran had painted a little pastel rainbow along the wall opposite the cribs - they were enjoying the decorating more than Meredith, secretly. They had bought two large elephant toys to sit by each crib, with a white-painted wooden changing table and drawer set between the two cribs. Each crib had a mobile above it, one being light blue and green, with turquoise and white pillows, the other being pink and yellow, with lavender and white coloured pillows. Although Meredith didn't know for certain, as a mother she had a feeling, a feeling that it would be one of each, a boy and a girl, and that would be perfect. The cribs also had a shelf above, with little fake plants and animal toys placed on each. Jade and Kieran had gone absolutely insane in the little baby toy aisle, and Meredith couldn't help but be filled with happiness every time she saw her friends gushing over little toys. She was so lucky that she had found them, that they were on board with everything, in it together with her.