a dance of doves & crows ( jonathan crane )

safety and sacrilege .

notes: jules bro . an absolute dummy ! love her stupid self so much . this chapter explores more of her core feelings since getting arrested, her fears, etc. as well as her original plan to escape being brought up before she was momentarily... distracted :)!

buckle in!

song of the chapter - first love / late spring - mitski

Jules thinks she's happy with this situation. You'd assume so, because why shouldn't she be? She got what she said she wanted. Technically, Jules got away. One could even argue she won, despite... You know. Forfeiting. A technical loss, but... Hey. No one was expecting that stunt.

Not even Jules expected it, and she's the one that did it.

She hadn't spoken to Crane in a week. Hadn't even spared him a glance. She thinks she's supposed to be satisfied by now.

On the surface level, she was. She had caught him by surprise, pulled the rug out from under him one last time before leaving him in the dust. Six months she's been at it, continuously dancing around the big problems — and now, here she was.

The exact same spot she was half a year ago. Powerless, directionless and incarcerated. Hurray. She fought any attempts to address her bigger issues — to fix herself and heal from her past — Tooth and nail, and she would continue to do so with Harleen. It only made sense, right?

Maybe avoiding her behavior and her trauma wouldn't be nearly as fun as it was with Jonathan, but Jules didn't want to examine any deeper levels or meanings, or heal herself, or make herself a "functional human being".

Not with Crane, Not with Quinzel. It wasn't happening. She would stubbornly dig her heels into the ground and refuse to grow as a person, permanently a dysfunctional and miserable person. She would continue to do so, even when she was wondering the streets a free woman again.

The only real change in her therapy was Harleen would be more likely to leave her alone after Jules put up boundaries. Harleen, also, wouldn't lure her into a false sense of security, only for it broken by an incredibly vivid sex dream.

Harleen Quinzel was perfectly nice. Good at her job, too. She asked the same hard hitting questions he did, without any of the infuriating bits. Doctor Quinzel was truly talented in psychology and an empathetic person... which was meant as high praise, even if it makes Jules roll her eyes.

It was the secure and logical move to transfer and stick with her for a while. It made sense, right? This was the right decision to make?

She was safe. Harleen was, too. Easier to navigate, easier to avoid tongue ties and harsh realities. Her medication stayed the same, unfortunately, because there were always a down side. Her mind and abilities wouldn't be getting un-fogged anytime soon, but it wasn't necessary at the moment. Things were fine. Completely and totally fine. She didn't need her anomalies at the moment, even if she missed their presence. She wasn't in a rush to get out anymore.

Jules was suddenly fine with the fact that an escape from Arkham would likely take months of plotting and waiting — because she didn't have to see him everyday. She didn't have to fall into that trap anymore. Jules didn't even have to look at him, it was exactly what she wanted.

Not to mention, she hadn't had a single sex dream since she transferred. No burlap masks, or sweet touches on a certain psychologist's desks. No adoring looks and unspoken words.

It was for the best. Just what she wanted. She should be glowing with satisfaction. Or at the very least, proud of herself for escaping a potentially volatile situation.