Clinging On (KARLNAP)

Ch 19 "Constellations"

TW: Self harm, Suicide, Fluff

Sapnap POV

Karl was fast asleep in the outline of my body.

I said I love you.

I've never said that to any of my partners before.

I said I love you to Karl. I've never loved anyone like this.

I kept replaying it all; he took my hand and pressed it down into the cushion of the couch, and his neck was all mine. I left kisses on his skin, which is as valuable as pure gold. Then the golden boy had my lips, his soft lips fit perfectly in the cup of mine. He gave a slight smirk when he pulled the blanket over us. His lips were against mine, and that notion fascinated my thoughts. I couldn't keep my eyes shut from the image I was fantasizing, so I pulled away just to see Karl's smile that was so unadulterated. His gorgeous eyes unveiled themselves and peered into mine. It's hard to forget how pretty someone is when you think about them all the time, but when he looked into my eyes with his beautiful blue eyes it reminded me.

I play with Karl's hair as he's asleep and I stare at the ceiling. What did I do to end up here? It's crazy to think that I ended up here after all the shit I've gone through. I don't deserve this, but then again no one deserves anything, like Karl said. I'm just blessed to be here; in his life, in his space.

Why do I feel so happy? I feel ok, and that feels odd to even think.

It feels odd.

I bring my arm up and look at it in the faint light. I used to have new cuts every day. I haven't cut in a while, and that feels odd to say, but good to say.

His reapplied name is starting to fade again. I wonder if I can get him to go over it again.

I don't think I need his name there,
but I want it there.

I put my hand back over Karl.

I'm ok.

I feel slightly better than ok.

It's an odd feeling to feel after these past 2 years.

Now I have Karl and he's been making me feel better than ok.

He loves me.

His love has made me feel ok.

I haven't felt this type of love ever.

Never have I ever returned love to someone like this.

It's such a strong feeling.

It's an odd feeling.

But it's a good feeling.

I immediately pulled out my phone from the nightstand, which we were very close to considering we were close to the edge on my side so I may need to move Karl over a bit. I opened it up and I scrolled to Dream.

Me
Hey I wanted to let you know that I'm ok.

Dream
You are?

Me
Yeah. I feel really good.

Dream
I'm glad Sapnap

Dream
You didn't get laid did you?

Way to ruin a moment.

Me
Dream you're such an idiot sometimes. No, I didn't get laid.

Me
I don't feel like dying anymore.

Me
I don't feel sad.

Dream
Really?

Dream
I'm really glad, I'm so so so so so glad.