My brain

Um

How do I explain emotions I guess that's difficult isn't it?

Mmm I think I hate myself.

No I know I hate myself.

I can't understand how I feel and I often know I over react to situations.

I can't help crying in anger

I can't help the tears that drop from my eyes

I can't help the scratching at my skin

I can't help the panic in my body

I can't help my sadness

My thoughts

My anxiety

My anger

My sadness...

I often look at my skin.

The skin where my wrists are and I become infuriated

Others have gone through so much.

And here I am with clean skin and no traces of what's been done to it.

I sometimes feel my heart in my throat.

I feel my headaches go for days.

I get tired of talking.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I'm not okay but I don't know how to fix myself and the worst part is I hate myself for it.

I've never hated anything more than myself.

I can pretend I'm loud and talkative and that I want to stand out but I'm a coward.

I hate talking.

I hate standing out.

I hate everything that I've built myself to be.

And I hate that now if I attempt to be my true self in ridiculed for it.

I want to love myself the way I've seen characters from books grow and become better.

But I hate myself.

I hate myself.