For One Last Night

1:26 AM

"Hey!" Oliver called out, breaking us out of our thoughts as he walked out of the door of Ludo's house. He looked so happy, so carefree and it irked me. He didn't care at all that he'd left me.

Gus followed him, looking stoned and happy. They both looked so at ease, completely unaware. I bit my lip, annoyed.

I walked over, meeting Oliver halfway. He gave me a familiar sweet smile and instead of smiling back, I gave him a hard push. Not hard enough to hurt him, just hard enough to surprise him. I wanted a fight. I wanted him to feel my anger.

I had never wanted a fight before. In fact, I usually tried to go out of my way to avoid fighting with Oliver. I brushed off things that annoyed me, ignored how shitty I felt whenever he bailed on plans, pretended I liked some of his friends, like Wyatt. I did everything to keep us going strong.

Now, though, I wanted him to know.

"Where the fuck were you?" I asked, shouting a little.

Oliver looked at me with wide eyes. "Jesus, we just came to buy weed. What's your problem?"

"Why didn't you ask us if we wanted to come? Wait, actually, I know. You don't give a shit about me anymore," I spat out, looking at him through narrowed eyes.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Oliver asked in a low voice.

"You should've invited us!" I yelled. Oliver looked at me, squinting like he couldn't understand what I was really talking about. Did he know what I couldn't say? I wanted you. I still want you.

He shook his head, annoyed. "How am I supposed to know that? I can't read your mind!"

"You don't even try anymore!" I fought back the tears. Everything felt so close to the end. "You're already there, in Michigan, in your head. You're not even here anymore." There, I said it. He had to see it now.

"Woah, just because I didn't invite you to Ludo's? We were just grabbing weed," he argued, shaking his head. "That doesn't mean I'm already in Michigan!"

"It's not just that! You never text anymore, you haven't come over in weeks, you canceled our plans for next summer. You're so obsessed with being out there, alone, next week that you're forcing this to be bad." It was so hard not to cry after what happened in the car. I already had to lose George and Paloma. I didn't want to lose him, too. I wanted him to fight for this. I wanted him to see the good here. To want to spend next summer together.

"Forcing what to be bad?" He was either pretending to be confused or totally unaware of what he was doing. I couldn't tell which was more annoying.

"Us!" I shouted. "You're trying to push me away so that when we leave, it's not as hard! You want to hate me so that it's not as sad! You want to not love me anymore." I wanted him to acknowledge it. To say it. I wanted to know if he was pushing me away because he didn't want me anymore or if he was just trying to make it hurt less.

Oliver looked behind me at our friends. "Can you be quiet? Everyone can hear you," he spoke in a hushed tone and I rolled my eyes. Who cared if everyone heard this? It was true.

"I don't care if people can hear me! I don't care if people know that I love you and want you, still. I don't care if people know that I'm mad that you keep bailing on me because you think it'll be easier." It was all spilling out. I couldn't help it.

Oliver sighed and looked away again. Why couldn't he look at me?

He looked back at me. "You said we had to break up! You made that decision, and you kept reminding me, and I listened! And now, we're finally here. And I'm okay with it. I really am. That's why I'm letting you go. Because it's time! You just don't want to admit that. You don't want to admit that the thing you talked about two years ago is finally here." His eyes met mine and they weren't hard. At all. They were watery and wide, like how they looked whenever he fought with his dad. Like he was totally disappointed. Oh. Even if he was being too casual, even if he was hurting me, it felt good to know that he was sad, too. That this was hard for him.