Bellona and Pax

prima pugna -Bellona

The fractured light of the hologram illuminates the darkness of my command capsule. As I gaze unflinchingly at the boy in the hologram, he returns my gaze and speaks evenly.

"To her highness, the Empress Bellona Irata, from the Emperor Pax Somni. I would like to invoke the right to a single duel between the two of us, as is proper considering our leadership roles and in following the rules of war set by our ancestors-" His face crumples suddenly. "Oh, we've been through this enough times. You know the rest. Are we on?"

Annoyed but not surprised at his lack of formality, I purposefully wait a precise four seconds before responding. "Emperor Somni, I accept your challenge."

                                                                                      ***

Even though we are fused in battle, it feels more like an intricate dance than a duel. I stab brutally at his torso; he dodges and swipes his staff at my feet. I leap over the crackling shaft, using my momentum to lunge for his throat even though I know I could never kill him.

His staff catches the hook of my scythe as he swings it up and our weapons lock together. My face twists in fury mere inches away from his regrettably handsome features. Sparks literally fly from our clashing electrified weapons. I glare into his eyes, as if by staring hard enough I could melt the blue ice.

"Bellona," he breathes, and he sounds like a lover. Every one of my brain cells screams in protest as I catch myself relaxing at the sound of my name. I turn my eyes away, looking desperately anywhere but him. He does this every time we clash, and every time I hate myself for anticipating it. He is so predictable.

"Don't you dare, Pax Somni!" I fire before he can say more. "There will be no surrender, there will be no treaty, and we are not going to talk about it!"

Pax's eyebrows furrow. "Bellona, you know things have got to change. I'm not asking you to surrender, just hear me out!" His voice almost breaks with emotion. Oh, I have certainly frustrated him over the years.

I laugh bitterly, in spite of myself. Pax asks me to surrender to him whether he means to or not. Every time he glances at me with those piercing blue eyes, every time his lips caress my name, every brush we have in the heat of battle, the question of surrender dashes across my mind. I have managed to hold out this long fighting two wars. The war against the Somnus Empire was ancient before my grandfather was born, and it has been bloody. But the war I fight against myself has been just as violent.

I know I can win the wars-both of them- if I can just hold out a little longer. At least that's what I tell myself. But I refuse to let Pax see any of my turmoil. "You know, Emperor Somni, that we have tried peace treaties. They have all failed and failed miserably too. Why waste our time?"

"Empress Bellona, you are wrong." His voice has softened, almost like he is speaking to a child. "Our fathers and grandfathers, and even great-grandfathers have tried peace treaties. But you and I, we have never tried."

He is right and I hate it. I tighten my lips and twist my scythe to try freeing it. But Pax holds firm and before I can stop myself, I steal a glance at his coiled arm muscles. Frustrated, I put venom into my words. "You are an absolute fool if you believe the two youngest rulers in generations can accomplish what our ancestors could not."

"No, you're the fool if you believe this war is our only destiny." Pax retorts, and it stings me. Of course, there is truth in what he says. But how could a conflict last this long, if solving it was as simple as a conversation?

"This war is the only thing either of us knows!" I shout at Pax. "That's it! I was bred for the war, born for the war, trained my whole life for the war, and I will die in this war! And you are the same as me! Don't pretend there is a future without the war because there is not! This is all there is!" My throat is raw from the fumes of the battle, and I don't believe I can stand another minute this close to my hated enemy.

Pax's gaze bores into me, his shaggy blonde hair tumbling into his eyes. "This war does not have to end us."

I have had enough. I stomp his boot hard and wrench my scythe free. Pax winces noiselessly as I point my scythe at his chest. "If there was another way, it would have been chosen already."

Finally, Pax breaks down completely. "Damn it Bellona! If we don't end this war, it will kill us, and it will kill our children, and-"

My mind goes momentarily blank when he says, "our children," and it takes me a second to realize that he does not mean the children of Bellona and Pax. At least, I don't think he does. I blush unwillingly, but Pax is too focused on his monologue to notice.

Right now he is begging with me, imploring me to help him end the war. I tune him out, because I've heard it all before, and Pax is predictable.

My wristband briefly buzzes, and I know what that means. My mechs have gained the upper hand, and the Somnus are retreating. Excellent.

A thud catches my attention. Pax has just thrown his staff to the ground, something he has never done before. "Bellona, I don't want to fight you anymore." He sighs.

His utterly insane gesture melts my heart, and I gape at him in shock. For the most fleeting moment, I want to rush to him. Forget my duty, my empire, my royal bloodline, and anything else that holds me back from Pax.

The urge vanishes as quickly as it appears, replaced by overwhelming shame. How could I let my enemy turn my head? It was probably a trick anyway. Conviction washes over me. I must win the war and be the Empress to finish the madness. History books should laud me as the victor of this ancient conflict.

Subtly, I tap a button on my belt, planning out my next several moves. The next part has to be convincing. I pause, look at the fallen staff, then at Pax. My expression clears, and I run towards Pax. He lifts his arms as if ready to embrace me. Instead, he catches a perfect kick square on the side of his jaw.

The blow knocks him to the ground, giving me just enough time to sprint to my just-landed fighter ship. As I'm popping the hatch, I turn briefly to see Pax. He's staring at me from the ground, a bruise already starting to blossom on his jaw.

A grim smile creeps over his lips. "Of course. Of course." His whisper carries like a shout, or maybe I'm just paying too much attention to his words. "You're leaving me again. This is the ninth time you've done that, you know."

I can't resist replying. "I know." I count it too. And I know why he counts, because it is the same reason I count. How inconvenient to love your worst enemy.

I don't reveal any of this, of course. "If you want me to stay, beat me next time." I say cruelly.

He laughs. "I could never beat you."

And with that, I leap into my cockpit, starting the ignition sequence. Pax rolls over on his side, hiding his face from my view. Good. I don't want to see his handsome face, begging me for that surrender.

I turn my attention to my control panel, ignoring the hole burning in my heart. I almost regret it. But Pax and I are destined to tear each other apart, and he has already torn me enough.

I avert my eyes from his slumped body as the engines roar to life. But once I'm high enough, I watch him, growing smaller and smaller until he is only a speck far below me.

I curse myself for my weakness, for my foolish concern over the enemy. My father's voice echoes in my mind, and I flinch. It is long past time for me to become the Empress my empire needs. I will win the war, no matter the cost.

I imagine myself split into two. One is small and pretty and weak, and she boldly proclaims her love for Pax Somni. The other is tall, composed, and unattached, the Empress of Victory. And she takes my weaker self by the ear, hurls her out the airlock, and blasts her body with lasers. The weaker self must be killed, exterminated. My ancestors would expect nothing less from the descendant who finished their work.

Long live the Empress.