the shape of ed // an ed sheeran love story

10- the end

My wap was on fire when I woke up.

Having 5 copies of Ed fall out of you really takes a toll on your body.

Ed refused to raise the kids alone so we sold them to one direction for a dozen eggs and an air mattress.

Apparently one direction is going to make a ginger convention called edcon and my quintuplets will be featured artists.

I dropped out of school because it's irrelevant at this point and Ed is no longer a teacher because he was fired for "dating" me. I don't even know if we're dating though.

Ed knocked on the bathroom door and yelled at me in his thick accent to hurry up with the fat shit I was taking so we could go to a matty b concert.

I forgot about the matty b concert! So I tied up my disgusting greasy hair and put on some low top black converse with my galaxy leggings and grumpy cat shirt. I had recently stolen a few cars with ed because we had no jobs or hobbies, so we decided to take a minivan we stole from a Walmart parking lot.

I forced ed to let me drive and I almost killed us on the way but we made it. I ran out of the car and took out 2 security guards to get to the dressing room.

When I saw the big beautiful letters spelling
M A T T Y   B    on the door I almost broke down sobbing because I've always been such a big matty b fan. I decided there was no time for a breakdown so instead I busted the door down  and ran inside.

There matty b was, short and scared.

I stared at him and screamed about how much I loved him. Ed was standing awkwardly behind me.

Matty b quickly signed an autograph without saying a word and pushed me and Ed out the door. "Omg Ed! I got his autograph!" I screamed. "That's noiyce," he said. "Now let's go sit down."

The concert went on and Ed and I had a great time. Ed smiled his ginger smile and got down on one knee. It took me a while to realize because I thought he was usually that short.

He tugged at my sleeve a few times while looking up at me. I flinched once I looked down at him, but then smiled back and spit in his big dead looking eyes.

"Shahtneigh, I luv yew. And oiye want yew to mahry me." He said.

I frowned as I was jolted back to reality. This was wrong. For a few reasons:

1. Ed is my teacher kinda but I don't know if I actually dropped out or if that was a dream.

2. I'm 14 but maybe not for the sake of the story at this point.

3. Our relationship is extremely toxic

4. My nipples point in 2 different directions and it's uncomfortable that Ed can stare at both of them at once.

But all of that aside, I think I'll marry him anyway. I'm pretty much unlovable but Ed "loves" me for some reason. And even if he doesn't, I'll still have him for the applebees family meals, so it's not all bad.

                                3 days later
Ed and I are unhappily married. We bought back our 5 children from one direction because we figured we could make money off them if we started a family magic show. However, that didn't work out and now we're robbing banks as a family.

The end.

Author's note: please feel free to leave a few hate comments because idk how to write and that was probably the worst thing you've ever read. Thank you for reading though 🤞🥺😍