Scaredy Cat

Chapter 4: Obstacles

DARE TO BE GREAT – Step 3: ELIMINATE THE OBSTACLES

Now that you've identified the obstacles that stand in your way, it's time to eliminate them. Of course that's easier said than done. Not even the Morris Method of Creative Risk-taking can simply banish the neuroses that many of us have carried around for a lifetime. Without meeting each of you in person, I couldn't hope to undo the years of parental programming, societal conditioning, and negative thinking that you undoubtedly suffer from. So I'm asking you not to believe that I can resolve your insecurities, but to pretend you believe.

Let me explain. Psychologists know that not only can your beliefs affect your behaviour, but your behaviour can also affect your beliefs. It stands to reason, then, that if you pretend to believe that your insecurities are gone -- if you act as if your insecurities are gone -- then abracadabra, your insecurities will be gone! Or at least diminished enough to deal with in a firm and courageous manner.

Let's say your major insecurity is a social one: you believe you have an overly strong need for approval. Naturally, you find it very difficult to break out of the mold, to do something bold and daring, because you are afraid people will disapprove. Well, consider this. When you make a change of any sort, depart from the status quo in any way, the people around you will have one of many possible responses:

i) Some of them will not notice anything. These are the people, alas, usually men, who are so absorbed in more important matters, like business, high finance, and professional wrestling, that they have no time to notice your new facial tattoo.

ii) Some of them will notice that something is different, but they won't know what it is. How often have you worn a dazzling new dress only to have someone you know quite well scratch his head and say, "Did you do something different to your hair?"

iii) Some of them will notice the difference, but they won't care. If the change you've made is not in another person's area of interest (i.e., their own area of insecurity) then they will react to it with genuine indifference. They don't care, so why should their opinion matter to you?

iv) Some of them will notice the difference, and they will approve of it. Now this is getting interesting. Perhaps you're afraid to quit your job for fear of what people will think. In fact, the reaction may be one of admiration and possibly envy that you have done what they would like to!

v) Some of them will notice the difference, and they will disapprove of it, but they will be people you don't respect anyway. If your catty alcoholic neighbour disapproves of your new boyfriend, who really cares? Are you going to let her hold you back, or are you going to dare to be great?

vi) And finally, there may be one or two people remaining who notice, disapprove, and whose opinion actually matters to you. Screw 'em. They'll get over it.

You can see that all the disapproval you've been imagining really boils down to one or two people who matter to you, who care about you and who want you to succeed, whether or not they happen to agree with a given decision or action. So look again at your list of insecurities. Resolve to pretend they don't exist. And change your behaviour accordingly.

If you have an insecurity about public speaking, pretend you don't . Ask yourself, "if I were good at public speaking, how would I behave?" You might answer that you would volunteer to give little talks now and then, you would be charming and witty, you would be graceful with your body language, and persuasive with your arguments. Now go ahead and practise that behaviour. Remember! Some people won't notice... some people won't care... but the ones who matter want you to succeed. Go for it!