I should not crave this.
I should not fantasize about
the smoke in my lungs,
the smooth air in my nose,
my tongue dancing with toxins.
but I do,
and I do.
I feel ashamed,
when I hide it from my friends.
I love you,
but I am not proud.
and I am not proud.
I put you away
get sick of your sickness,
won't touch you for weeks,
won't think of you,
but.
then I do.
and it hits me.
I'll want you infinity.
I'll let you have your way,
even if it kills me.
but it will kill me.
and it will kill me.
so kill me.
