A Blackpink Book 2

246. Y/N x Y/B Short

~ Y/B = Your BP bias

"Come on, can you at least be a happy? We're trying to help you." 

Recognizable, ain't it? This sentence is so overused, it's no use anymore. The only thing I can do is move forward, but I can't. I'm still stuck on us. Everybody around me is trying to hold me up, but you're the one that kept me pushing down. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say or think.

I can hear your voice when I read our texts. You said that you won't reach the top without me behind your back. Well, I guess you still fucking did. Everything I did for you was wrong. You fucking lied in front of my face. Many times even. Don't let me even start counting the days we fought. Then the day, you left me, telling me you had to, you cried. But I knew those tears while saying those words were so fucking fake. Still, I felt like shit cuz I never wanted to see you cry. I seriously wanted to kill myself, but I loved you so much that I didn't. Using busy schedules just to numb myself, to hide the pain. I can only pretend and say that I'm okay, but believe me..I'm not. I can't make a scene, so I keep myself cool. 

But when I'm alone, it's just me and these bottles of alcohol. Sitting down on the floor in the office, drowning myself into the void. I'll be back in that dark corner again, crying silently as I'm taking every hit. It's swallowing me back to the days we used to be. Everyday it's just me, the pain and the alcohol hanging around like they are family.

Tell me, have you ever thought about me before all of this shit happened? Did you ever realize what the fuck you would be doing to me? Did your mind even played those scenarios before? Should I go? Should I stay? Should I take the step or not? Why does it always have to be me? Why am I always the one who has to hold on? I just wanna throw myself away, like the piece of shit I am. But then the people who love me will hold me back and I will be only much worser than before. 

I never wanted to, but even though I tried to stay patient, it's time that I face the truth.

Maybe it's the way your brain works. Maybe we didn't use the right words. I wish you could see what you did. You might even hate yourself if you knew. When we weren't fighting I was a stranger to you. I fell for every single word you said to me. You can call me a crier, but you hurt me bad. My tears ran like water, but I won't looking back. Cuz you're just a  fuckingliar and all that we had is lost in the fire, burned into ashes.

I don't wanna tell you goodbye. But I feel like I'm wasting my time. And I don't see you changing your mind. You

.

.

The letter wasn't finished as Y/B was reading it, but there she stood at the airport, watching a plane taking off. It was too late. There was no turning back. All she could do was cry and regret everything.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry...plz come back.."