A Court of Desires and Darkness

Chapter 6

Silence. Utter silence. 

At first, it was unbearable. After fourteen years, it is all I know. The loud noises of the crowds and the blinding brightness of the sun when the King drags me from these chambers is overwhelming--mind numbing. I held on to the possibility that I would feel that stranger's shadows once again, but I never did. Even my own seem to have abandoned me.

They come quite eagerly when I am called upon, like they no longer care and are only bound to my body. I would think them gone completely if not for showing up to do the King's bidding, devouring the life from those he declares have wronged him. For that brief moment after they return to me, before the black gem is removed, I can feel their darkness. Not their literal darkness, but their remorseless, ravenous, and viciousness--emotions that slowly creep into my soul more and more. Sometimes, it is hard to convince myself that it is from the shadows and not something that I am. 

Down here, I go days without food and water. My body is so deathly thin that I could probably pass as a dungeon ghost. I hardly even move from laying down on the cot, moving just takes so much strength that I do not have. The only reminder that I was once something is the damned golden circle on my wrist, now covered with dirt and grime. I look at it sometimes, run my bony fingers over it, wondering how the Cauldron feels about my current state. 

I suppose, if it did, I might not be in this mess still. 

The last time the King called for my magic was so long ago. If I had to guess, it would have been months ago. I gave in that day, completely. The flow of magic was smooth, not like the tearing sensations when I fight it. Before the guards hauled me away, I saw a satisfied, toothy grin on his pale face. 

I will free myself from this prison. Even if it takes a hundred years. 

Even if I have to lose myself to free myself.

                                                          ~

Days, maybe weeks, later, and the door opened. The King, accompanied with his usual two guards, sauntered over to the cell, his usual look of disdain at the stench of the place crinkling his nose. 

I don't move, keeping my eyes straight, about level with his knees. He dons that same set of armor he wore the day in the forest all those years ago. The memory of that night haunts me still. The events run through my head when I am both asleep and awake. I see all that I could have, should have, done. 

The harsh rattle of the cell door jars my bones and I flick my eyes to him. "A beautiful day it is, Canna," he says as he opens the iron door, planting his feet just inside. "You look absolutely horrid," he observes. I just move my eyes back to the ground.

Broken.

I thought myself strong. All those decades of helping the ones who could not defend themselves and I couldn't even help myself when the time came. 

The King holds a calloused hand out, "Canna, join me. Get out of this filth."

I study his hand before shifting my gaze to his eyes. Cold. Cunning. Ruthless. There is no warmth in his soul, perhaps there never has been. But to get out of this place... It could be a step to free myself, perhaps. If I play along, if I make it believe that I have truly given up, remake myself to what he wants... maybe I could survive this. All I need is to get stronger, healthier--and get this Cauldron forsaken cuff off my wrist.

Maybe not completely broken. 

With shaky movements, I bring a skeletal hand up to his. He grins, a battle won. Slowly, he pulls me up from the cot, the once yellow straw now tarnished brown. He leads me down several halls before we reach a room on the fifth floor. Ascending staircases was quite tiring, and I frequently needed breaks. One of the guards was about to carry me when I glared at him to stay away. His eyes widened with some emotion of fear before he backed off, the other guard stiff. I received plenty of looks from various High Fae within the halls--some looked horrified at my appearance, some covered their noses. 

"This will be your chambers. Bathe and dress. Dinner will be in an hour." The King gestures for me to enter, the room spacious with a large bed, an armoire, and a desk. A room to the right leads to what appears a separate bathing chamber. Two fae, presumably handmaidens, stand waiting by the doorway in the back. I want to curse at him, tell him that I am not a puppet. But the allure of fresh clothing and a bath is too much. I walk over to the two fae and let them take care of everything.

                                              ~

The dining room is large, though smaller than what I would have pictured. The walls are a bare gray stone, much like the rest of the castle. White drapes are tied back on the windows, revealing a darkening sky outside. An ornately carved wooden table is set in the middle with six chairs on either side and two on each end, though only the ends have plates in front of them. The King is already sitting at the far end, his fingers clasped together. He watches me slowly walk to the chair next to the closest end, his eyes fixed on the flowing silver gown the handmaidens dressed me in. I imagine throwing one of the knives on the table at his head.

"The end is set for you," he says sternly when my hand grips the back of a different seat. 

I look to him with confusion. "Why?"

"Sit, eat, and I will explain." I am about to protest when platters of food appear on the table, each with a different food item on it. Rosemary chicken, sage potatoes, green beans, various spiced mushrooms, bread, and herbed venison just to name a few. My mouth waters, my stomach thundering at the sight. I sit at the chair across from the King.

He watches me grab tiny portions of a few dishes, not wanting to overload my withering stomach, before he fills his plate. Once our plates are full, he begins speaking again. "To be honest, Canna, I never enjoyed doing what I have done to you." I raise my slitted, accusing eyes to him. "I speak the truth."

"Let's pretend you are. Why, then, did you do everything?" I ask after finishing a bite of chicken, the herbs dancing on my tongue. 

He places his cutlery down, "Lack of control. Lack of judgement. Those sorts of things," he waves his hands at each sentence. "I want to make a bargain with you."

I blink at him, "What?"

He grins, "A bargain? I recall you making those quite frequently back in the day." Before his kingdom ruined me all those centuries ago, he means. I used to make bargains all the time with fae who needed help. Rarely a dangerous gamble. This feels nothing of the sort. 

"What is it that you want?" I inquire, the lure of a deal too much to ignore. 

His sinister smile has me instantly regretting even contemplation. "I will give you your freedom again, freedom from that cuff, he nods to my wrist" My heart skips, though I keep a neutral expression. 

"And what are you asking for in return?" I ask uninterested, taking a bite from a piece of garlic cooked kale.

"Become the Queen of Hybern."