I'm Leaving (Nessian Angst and Discovery)

I'm Back

Velaris, River Palace, Morning, One Month After Nesta Returned

They were all there, in the study where Nesta had dramatically left fourteen months ago. She thought to herself, what a difference this time. I don't hate myself. I've got a mate and we adore each other. We sisters are together. But there is a relationship I need to fix for all our sakes.

The Inner Circle had gathered and were in the same places as before, but with one critical difference. Nesta was sitting on a couch with Cassian standing behind her, his arms resting on her shoulders and her hands laid atop of his. A month of frenzied lovemaking on the estate in Hybern had brought them so close that this public display of affection didn't make Nesta feel discomfited. It hadn't been all plain sailing in Hybern. The departure of Feyre and Elain back to Velaris had emboldened some locals to try their luck in attacking the distracted pair. They had soon discovered their mistake as Nesta had given a demonstration that the power used against Hybern's soldiers in the War remained fully active. However, she did spend a bit more time erecting wards, learned from her sojourn with Arinella, to provide an added layer of protection. After a month they had decided to return to Velaris and close this chapter with the Inner Circle.

"You're back and newly mated to my brother," rumbled Rhys, "I can't say that I'm ecstatic..." A soft snarl emerged from Cassian, and Nesta drew circles on the back of his hands with her thumbs to calm him. I've got this my mate. "But, it does seem to mark a fresh start for us. Perhaps it's the end of the beginning."

Nesta looked him in the eye, "You're right in that it's a fresh start. Two brothers married to two sisters, either a recipe for disaster or something strong can emerge from this." Her eye caught a flicker from Azriel. That's a problem for another day. "Could we discuss this more privately? We have rather a lot to thrash out, but it's for us to do this, not anyone else." Rhys gestured to the window, "Shall we take a walk outside? I'll put up a sound barrier if you prefer?" Nesta dipped her head in agreement and they both left the room walking side by side.

Outside the sun was shining and it was warm, with a welcoming breeze coming off the Sidra. They walked to a small, iron table which had two chairs with cushions placed next to it. Both sat down and looked at each other. Nesta started, "We've never seen eye to eye, largely because we started with prejudiced positions. I hated and feared Faeries and I believe you despised me because of what happened to Feyre in the cottage." A nod from Rhys. "And our positions never changed, in fact got even worse over time. Our actions after the Hybern War, mainly my actions, solidified this position to almost a point of no return. If I hadn't been mated to Cassian, I have no doubt that I would be dead or enslaved in another Court." Another nod from Rhys. "Despite everything, I do love my sisters even if I struggle to show it in an .....orthodox manner. I'm not lightness and love, I'm dark, fierce and utterly loyal to those that I give my love too. It's not easy, not wanting to show how I feel, but it was the only protection and choice I had left. Something which I know you're fully aware of by your actions to keep Velaris safe when Amarantha had you in her clutches."

Rhys sighed, "All of us have made sacrifices for those that we hold dear. You included Nesta, I've always seen that, especially by your valour in the Hybern War." He shook his head, "The essential nature of the Fae is primordial. We love and hate to extremes, so much so that the logical part of our mind is swamped by emotions. Even as I know we couldn't have won the War without your interventions, the pain felt by Feyre because of your actions is something I struggle with. It's simply how we are, well those of us born fae. You were made and I can sense your desire to hold onto some part of your humanity. It's the last piece of your identity to the world in which you were born into, and you're not going to give it up."

Nesta listened carefully and knew the next part would be hard for her to say. "One of the most difficult things actually does not stem from being fae. My youngest sister is now a High Lady and I am mated to one who has sworn service to her. It's a humiliation for me, that somehow everyone feels I have to serve her. I don't begrudge her riches and love that she has found with you. I do hate the fact that apparently I have to do as she instructs me and I can't fend for myself outside of all this." She waved her hand at their beautiful surroundings. "I can't trust the fact that she can force me to do things which have been driven by your detestation of me, and quite possibly enjoyment of seeing me suffer. I can't reconcile this situation just yet."

Rhys considered this, "You have power and talents which no-one in the Inner Circle has. I want to give you a role that you want to do. It's quite possible, nay highly probable, that the Night Court is too small for what you can do. But, take time and steps to reach your potential. Mother willing, you now have centuries to achieve this and with Cassian by your side. Velaris wasn't built in a day!"

His voice lowered, "And you're right in that my thoughts and actions towards you have been driven from a horrible place. I don't feel proud about it, and it needs to change. So I'm sorry for not being a better brother and seeking to help you in the right way. We're both fortunate that Cassian is the better male and never gave up on you. I'm sorry."

She could see the genuine remorse in his eyes and words and she whispered, "I'm sorry too." His eyes glimmered with acceptance of her words.

"I don't know what I want to do next," she admitted, "but I know I do need to do something beyond hugely enjoyable sex with my mate and devouring books in a library. I'm a better fighter now, but the diplomatic side," a shared chuckle between them, "is something I want to explore. Being Emissary to Humans wasn't really a job, I didn't want to do it and the Mortal Queens certainly had nefarious intentions which meant the whole thing was set up to fail." A wince from Rhys. "I need to do something which gives me autonomy and serves the people. I can accept being under the auspices of the Night Court, but not in servitude to it. That's a hard ask of you as a Ruler, but if you truly want us to create a new future this is how it needs to happen."

The High Lord of the Night Court sat in silence for a minute and Nesta was content to let him work out his thoughts. "I don't have anything to give you like that. Yet. And you're right, it's an anathema for me to consider this type of role. In essence you would be representing the Night Court but doing what you felt was best in achieving a particular goal. I will need to think on this later and discuss with Feyre if we can proceed on this basis. For now though, I suggest you continue with your current enjoyable lifestyle," a smirk from Nesta, "and you can also think of what you might want to do." He sat back and gave her an appraising look, "I can't pretend to like you in a day, but I am grateful we've had a chance to talk and start figuring out where we go from here. It would do no good to Feyre and Cassian if you and I are shredding each other all the time or just simply not speaking to each other. I think we love them both too much for that."

"A truce then?" she offered.

"No, that will never do." came back the answer. Her face stilled and stomach churned. After all we've just said we go back to where we were before?

"A peace. A new start. We'll work this out together. You and I" he smiled back to her.

Nesta returned these words with a genuine smile of her own. They embraced quickly and walked back towards the River House, straight into a welcome roar of approval by everyone else.

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I didn't like the way that Rhys and Nesta perpetually fought. There were so many opportunities for reconciliation and it shouldn't have taken Feyre, Nyx and Rhys being seconds away from their death to make it happen in canon.