Chapter 4 - A Wonderful Girl

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Momoe leads me a couple of feet away from earshot of anyone else. She walks to the white fence surrounding the house and leans her arms on it. I join her. "Y/N..." She starts. "What... what do you think of me?"

"Well, I haven't known you very long, but you seem very kind and caring."

"Thanks... but that's not what I meant. What did you think when you first saw me? What did I look like to you."

"I thought that was what you were hinting at. I didn't say anything just in case I was wrong. Do you want an honest answer?" She nods. "I thought so."

"At first glance, from how far I was from you, I will admit that you did look masculine,"

"I knew it." Momoe lowers her head a bit.

"I'm not done. From a distance, you looked masculine. From a distance, everything seems misleading. But the closer I got the more I realized that I was wrong. I haven't told the others yet - I will eventually - but used to live with a different brother of mine. He is older than Mosu and me and he moved to college about a year ago. His situation is kind of similar to yours. He's transgender - female to male. He tried to make himself look more masculine; over time, I began to gradually tell the difference between a girls' and boys' appearance more than others. To answer your question, Momoe, within the first couple of seconds of seeing you I knew you were a girl. I don't know if that's a good answer, or if it's what you wanted to hear, but it's what I've given you."

Momoe doesn't reply but instead stares over the railing at the green grass. 

"I have a question for you now," I start.

"Go ahead."

"What do you see yourself as?" Momoe hesitates before giving me an answer.

"I... I don't know. I feel like I'm a sheep in wolf's clothing."

"I'll change the question then. What do you want to see yourself as?" This time, she answers straight away.

"I want to be seen as a girl."

"Then do that. But do it for yourself." Momoe looks at me quizzically. "Most of the people in this world suck. They have the ideal version of someone in their head and want that person to be like that. For example, have you ever done something that you normally do in front of a group of friends, then they say 'I've never seen you do that before.' or 'Why are you acting like that?' You then have to tell them that you aren't acting strangely, they just haven't seen you do or act like that before. Long story short, everyone has a different image of you in their head. If you deviate from the version of you in their heads then they question why you aren't the person they think you are. You need to appeal to the you in your head. Don't take anyone else's viewpoint into account. That doesn't mean you should stray from the right path though."

Momoe stays quiet for a while before looking at me with a smile. "Thanks, Y/N. That helped a lot."

"Really? Has no one told you that before?" She shakes her head. "I was always told to ignore what other people thought of me when I was younger. I was told to do what made me happy. I guess that's part of the reason why I left my parents. I didn't want to be near a place that only brought sad memories."

"You mentioned that you had a different brother," Momoe begins. "What happened to them?"

"He's about four years older than me. He left for college before the whole thing with my parents happened. I'll explain more when everyone else is here. It's easier to tell the story once than multiple times." Momoe nods in understanding.

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