Marvin's Room

six | candied guilt

|| V A L E R I E ||

Sunday

There was this underlying guilt tossing around in the pits of my stomach as I interacted with Angelo’s family. It wasn't my first time meeting his parents or siblings, but with them it always felt like the first time. I knew that his mom adored me because I was true to myself. She cared for me because in some dark way, I kept her child balanced. Little did she know, it was the fights and psychological battles with one another that kept us balanced.

His father was a different story. No matter how many times I approached him, held conversations with him, and lay myself down to please him, it never seemed to work. I don't know if it was the fact that he was a stoned aged Christian, but it hurt. I didn't show that it hurt whenever he gave me the dirty looks, but it did. I actually thought that his family would take me in as one of them because I'm involved with one of their own. I was ready to give myself to Angelo completely without a doubt. But every time I stepped foot inside of this house, it gave me the number one reason why I couldn't. They wouldn't accept me like Angelo did.

I sat on the porch steps, my legs pulled up and my arms outstretched across my thighs. I held a beer bottle in one hand, grinding my teeth as I tried to calm my nerves. I had been sitting out here for about a good fifteen minutes, trying my best to clear the pressure in my head. I couldn't shake the glares that came from Angelo’s father when I was in the kitchen talking to his wife. It was like someone was stabbing all over my body with tiny little needles that were barely visible to the human naked eye. To say that I was uncomfortable wouldn't do the situation any justice. I felt like crawling to the lowest levels of hell and staying there forever.

Based on the fact that his dad was a deacon at the church, I tried my best to keep it together. I've never been a disrespectful person to my elders, but I couldn’t stop myself. The last look he shot at me, I raised my hand and stuck out a quick finger before I could think twice. Resulting in my sitting on the porch by myself.

"You messed up, Val," I whispered under my breath as I took a drink. "You messed up big time."

"I thought that I'd find you out here," I turned around and looked up to see Chester, Angelo's brother.

Chester was beautiful in the department of appearance. He was about six feet even, caramel colored skin, a low cut, and a fit body. He could out dress anybody on the block, but that didn't matter. Chester had an attitude that was as foul as Satan's shit. He wasn't worth a dime.

"And what do you want with me, Chester?" I asked, turning back around.

"You really shouldn't let Howard get to you, girl. If you plan on being in this family, you better grow some thick skin," he responded.

I chuckled and shook my head. "I used to be one of the toughest people I know. I've endured all kinds of shit, especially dealing with your brother," I paused and took a sip. "But, I have never felt so weak until that man looked at me."

"You think you're the only one?" He took a seat next to me. "We both know how I feel about you, but I can agree with you on that. He can break anyone down with just one look."

"If you came out here to finish his job, then take your ass back in the house. I came here to enjoy myself. I didn't come to be harassed by anyone." I stood to my feet and walked away, leaving Chester on the porch.

I stepped inside of the cool air of the house, bumping into one of Angelo's close cousins. After receiving a nasty look from the girl, I stepped to the side and walked back to their large kitchen. Seated at the island was Angelo, his mother, and his aunt that he introduced me to. It was my first time meeting her, but I knew that she didn’t take much of a liking to me because I saw the nasty stare on her face. Her eyes were dark, giving the heavy resemblance that she was Howard's sister and not Mama Rose's.