Cruelly Fated - Book 4

Chapter 24 - Picking up the Pieces

Jasmine's POV

I feel as if I'm floating. My body remains numb and weightless; it must be the drug. I'm impotent of speaking. I stare ahead, lost in the chaos of my thoughts. On repeat, the image of my brother pulling the trigger and his head jolting before his body falling limp continues to break me. How many times can one heart shatter?

I close my eyes as tears run down the side of my face. Mina throws a blanket over me, shielding my body as the Capos move around the house. I'm cold; my light nightgown and thin robe provide no warmth, even the blanket isn't really helping. I'm constantly being crushed under the debris of my broken world. I cannot breathe or function; I'm motionless. God, I cannot exist. The questions why and if are a constant torment. I keep replaying my actions; maybe if I leaped forward just thirty seconds sooner, I could've saved him. Maybe if I focused, I would've noticed his mental state deteriorating and prevented this. So many ifs! My lip quivers and fresh tears run, washing away the stains of the previous ones. Mina squeezes my hand and places a kiss on my forehead.

Matt is all I had. My brother protected me from our mother's cruelty and suffered at the hands of our so-called father. He never experienced peace and happiness. I witnessed him ending his life, an image that will haunt me for my remaining days. I would rather have suffered through my mothers' beatings and my father's sadistic plans. My chest tightens, and I wait for the moment my heart ceases to beat. It cannot withstand this pain. Insanity slowly creeps up on me, and I'm ready to cave. Once and for all, give in to the battle and allow myself to drift away. I've fought so hard since a young age that I'm tired. Mentally I'm fragile, and physically, I only managed to beat my eating disorder four years ago. I almost lapsed so many times, falling back on the habit of staving myself. Matt's disappearance added to my anxiety, but at least then I had hope that he was alive somewhere. The sounds of sirens outside the house fool me, and I briefly convince myself, maybe there is a faint flutter of life left in him. Maybe they will find a pulse. Oh god, I beg you, please let this be a nightmare or a vision of some sort warning of these upcoming tragic events. Reverse time and wake me up again a few hours prior. Give me a chance to save him.

Dislodging the clog in my throat, I find my voice barely, "Please," I cry with absolute heartbreak, "let this be a dream. Please!"

Mina, distraught, falls to her knees and pulls me into her embrace. I can hear the stretcher wheeled against the hardwood floor, and I'm falling into despair as the word body is mentioned. Although subconsciously I know he's gone, I also stupidly forced myself to hold onto some hope. I now shatter all over again as that hope diminishes. This is the definition of a nightmare. This is immensely painful. The weight on my chest prevents air from making it to my lungs. They burn!

Battling and struggling against my drugged state, adrenaline pumps giving me the strength to push Mina's way and stand to my wobbly feet that threaten to drop me any moment. I can't coordinate, and I drag them just to take a few steps forward. My eyes skew over the Capos as their gazes drop to the ground. Usually, I would be mortified wearing a nightgown visible through my robe around so many men, but nothing matters. Everything is dismal; I'm so lost and wholly consumed with agony and sorrow that I'm incapable of feeling or caring about anything else. I stand here with my chest heaving, my body trembling, and my eyes glued to Matt's bedroom door. Hysteria begins to surface, and I fight to maintain control of my mind and body. Standing to my side Mina attempts to break my concentration, her efforts fail. The only sound overpowering is that of my racing heart.

As the stretcher is wheeled out, I'm engulfed with flames, and I'm suffocating from the invisible smoke that surrounds me. My brother is in a body bag. There's no movement. "He's gone!" I scream. Trembling where I stand, my knees buckle, dropping me to the floor. Struggling to breathe, my vision is consumed with black dots. The madness around me is too much to comprehend as people attempt to lift me. My anger is uncontrollable as I throw my arms around. "Why?" my voice amplifies my thoughts. "How could you do this to me? Matt, why would you do this to me?"