Tortured but Together (A Hunger Games Fanfiction) [UNDER EDITING]

Chapter Thirty-Four

A/N: Usual PSA that the Hunger Games characters belong to Suzanne Collins and not to me. Turns out I'm feeling really motivated to write today so here's another chapter!! Hope you enjoy!!

(Katniss POV)
Peeta passes me the note, and, when I see it, my eyes glisten with tears. Of course there are more people here who are hungry, even in the Capitol. "How many," I whisper quietly, passing back the napkin so that one or both of them can respond.

The avox girl gives me a sad smile, seeming to say "there's so many, you can't help all of us." Even though she's unable to speak, I can tell that's what the expression on her face is saying; sometimes words aren't the only way to communicate. She writes something down on the napkin, and then passes it back to me.

300, just in the palace. That's what the note says, 300. I let out a slight gasp, I had assumed it was bad but I didn't think it could be quite that bad. Not here in the Capitol at least, and definitely not at the presidential palace. "Really, that many," I ask softly.

She nods sadly in my direction, and I can see the grief in her eyes. Her face looks so much older than it should, just like mine did when I was her age. Taking a closer look at her, I can see she looks almost the same age as Prim.

Before the games, before the Capitol, that was my family, desperately trying not to starve. Seeing the tears that now spill down her face, I walk over to the young girl and give her a hug. I will fix this, no matter what it takes.

Not feeling hungry anymore, I get up from the table and walk over to the doors, knocking on them. Surprised, one of the many peacekeepers opens them. "Miss Everdeen, what do you need?" The voice sounds slightly impatient, almost like the peacekeeper is annoyed that I would dare to bother her.

"We need to go to one of the kitchens and make some food."

"You already have food, the avoxes brought it in. You don't need more till lunch."

I cross my arms over my chest; this is one fight that I will not lose. "It's not for us, it's for the avoxes."

The peacekeeper laughs. "Really? Because those two look like they're stuffing their faces well enough!"

Her casual and dismissive manner just makes me more angry, and my voice rises in pitch and volume. "We know that. The two of them are getting well fed but there are others who aren't. President Snow said we could give them food, and so that's what we're planning to do. There's no harm in making sure everyone has enough to eat. So if you would kindly take me and Peeta to the kitchen, it would be much appreciated." The tone of my voice makes it clear that I won't take no for an answer.

"We're under strict orders not to let you two leave your rooms except for interviews or emergencies, those are the rules."

"And I'm under strict orders from my conscience not to let people go hungry just because the people in charge don't find it convenient to make sure they get enough to eat."

For a minute, I think I've stunned her into silence. The idea that a girl from the seam could talk like that to a peacekeeper from the Capitol...it's unheard of. She does have a response though. "Well, President Snow is in charge here, not your precious conscience. That said, I'll make a deal with you. I'll take Mr. Mellark to the kitchen and he and the cooks can cook as much food as you think is necessary to satisfy your conscience. But, in return, you have to spend 24 hours alone in the cells. No food, no water, no light, no human contact, nothing."

Even the thought of that makes me shiver, I can't go back underground, I can't. Then, I turn to face the young avox girl, she looks so hopeful, so desperate, and I have my answer. "It's a deal. As long as the food gets distributed to who Peeta and I say it should, and there are no tricks of any kind involved, then it's a deal."

She nods, and we shake on it. Walking back over to the table, I pick up the note and write "300 people need food, they've agreed to let you go to the kitchen and the chefs will help. We can make a difference for these people Peeta, we have a chance to do something good."

I hand the note to Peeta, and he reads it; his face is a mixture of shock, awe, and confusion. "What about you Katniss?"

Forcing a small smile on my face despite my nerves, I give Peeta a quick kiss. "I'll be alright Peeta. There are people who need the food, that's what's most important right now." He still looks concerned though. "Please Peeta, don't worry about me." Sighing, he seems to give in, and giving me a quick kiss on my forehead, he heads over to the peacekeepers and follows them through the doors.

My nerves are back in full force now, and I can't help but tremble slightly. Annie turns to look at me. "What did you agree to Katniss," she whispers.

"It's nothing, I'll be alright." Annie doesn't look convinced, but she nods. I think she can tell by now that once I get an idea into my head, it's nearly impossible to talk me out of it.

A few minutes later, the peacekeepers come back, and motion for me to follow them. It takes a minute to get my legs and feet to cooperate, but I force myself to walk forward, one step at a time. We march through lots of twisting and turning hallways, but when we get to the door that officially leads underground, my feet refuse to move forward, no matter how hard I try to force them to.

Noticing this, one of the peacekeepers escorting me turns and says, "Underground in the cells or no deal. It would be a shame if all those people didn't get to eat just because you decided to be a coward."

That comment spurs me into action. That's why I'm doing this, I'm doing this so that the 300 other avoxes in the palace get enough to eat. Taking a deep breath, and kissing my ring for comfort, I nod at the peacekeepers. "Let's keep going then."

They open the door, and I make myself go down the stairs. One. Two. Three. Four. Keeping count helps calm me down, albeit only slightly. After what's probably only a few minutes, but feels like a few hours, we reach the bottom of the staircase. Heart pounding in my chest, I let the peacekeepers lead me forward down the long lines of cells.

They decide on a particularly secluded one, and they usher me inside. This is for the avoxes, this is to keep people from starving, I remind myself. Shakily, I step inside the cell, and let the door close and lock behind me.

Almost immediately, I start to think I'm insane for agreeing to do this. Being back in the dark, putting myself through this hell again, I must be crazy to willingly put myself through this. This is not for you, this is to help people Katniss, I remind myself over and over in my head. That still doesn't stop the voices from coming into my mind though, invading every corner of my thoughts in this oppressive darkness.

"District 12 is gone because of you."

"It's your fault that they're dead."

"Nothing you do can make up for the lives you stole. Remember all the people you couldn't save? Remember Rue, that sweet young girl who reminded you of your sister? You remember how she died don't you, how you were too late to save her?"

I cover my ears, trying to drown them out. The voices are wrong, the voices are wrong. The voices are wrong! But it almost feels like the more I say that, the louder and more insistent they get. Unable to take it, I take a seat on the floor, curling up in the fetal position in a corner. I'm defenseless, there's nothing to save me from the voices this time, and there's nobody to hear me as I scream.

24 hours, that's it. Only 24 hours of this hell and then I'll be back out in the light again. Because of my sacrifice, 300 people who desperately need food will be able to get some. That thought comforts me a little, my actions are helping people instead of hurting them for once. Only 24 hours, I remind myself, that's all it is. Eventually, I'm able to slip into an uneasy sleep, and I can only hope that when I wake up I'll be safe in Peeta's arms again.