Awkward.

Awkward: Six

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QUICK RECAP: (since it's been about six months since i've updated -- sincerely sorry!) andy ate rotten old pizza and ended up blowing chunks on amy causing blake to blow chunks on sherri from the sight of andy's vomit. at the end of chapter five blake passed out from the sight of her own vomit. happy reading!

                                                      • SIX •

FOR AS LONG as I can recall, I’ve always struggled from insomnia. That’s why I go on the late night runs. Not only does it clear my mind, but it keeps me away from the night terrors that haunt me when I do fall asleep.

        When my dad left Mom and I, it was not a pretty sight and definitely not what a ten year old should witness. And since then, the guilt from that night would haunt me in my dreams. Because maybe, just maybe, if I had taken my father’s bribe and not have told Mom what I saw, my family wouldn’t be shattered into pieces. It’s all my fault.

        After my dad walked out, everything felt like a black hole. For months Mom would hardly come out of her room and for a while there it felt like she was the child in the family. I’m not saying I didn’t struggle with the divorce and only having one parent present most of my life, because I did. But unlike Mom, I had Aaron — had being the keyword.

        He kept me sane — well, as sane as a girl like me could be.

        And as foolish as it sounds, there was a time where I actually believed he was the reason why I was able to sleep in peace after the nights that I saw him. He was the only stable thing in my life at that time. Until he, himself, walked out even after he said he wouldn’t.

        He lied.

        That fυcker lied and broke his promise just like my dad broke his with my mom. And after that night, the night terrors were back, only this time they were about Mr. Hotshot himself, Aaron Cross.

        It was bad enough that asshole had been invading my dreams and poisoning them for years now, but now I was basically living a nightmare whenever we crossed paths at school — which lately, has been quite often.

        The last time I had a night terror was over spring break. Andy had just left for his mini vacation to Hawaii and the feeling of being abandoned invaded me. I tried running to clear my mind but knowing that Andy wouldn’t be waiting on my couch and eating whatever scraps we had in the kitchen when I got back made my breathing quicken and my heart race. Mom was working overtime — as always — so I had the house to myself, and well, living in a small cramped space like that, after a while it starts to feel like the walls are closing in on you and suffocating you until you’re trapped and short on breath.

        I tried to avoid sleeping as much as possible but after endless re-runs of Gossip Girl (Mom’s recordings, I swear) my tired eyes could no longer put up the fight and eventually shut closed. The night I waited by the spot for Aaron to show up played in my distant dream. I saw myself perched on top of the highest tree branch, looking over the dim horizon. The wind was picking up but I forced myself to stay in the same spot, with the thought of Aaron showing up soon in the back of my mind. When trinkets of water began to drizzle down, I took that as my cue to start climbing down.

        I took my time, making sure not to miss a step, but in just minutes what was once a shower of rain gradually escalated into a rapid storm. Suddenly there was a loud clap of thunder, followed by striking bolts of lightening. What happened next would always wake me up.