Are You In or Are You Out?

Part 21

An: this is the end.  Enjoy.  There is smut, no warnings, just love. 

Chapter 20

Robyn dragged on her cigarette as if it was life itself, she had been crying silently, only letting out little sniffles. She had heard nearly all of the argument that Steve and Bucky had had, lingering on the stairs until she couldn't take their anger anymore. She hated herself right now. Bucky meant everything to Steve and right now they were at odds because of her and if they couldn't patch things up then it would be her fault. She wasn't sure that she could live with that. Maybe she should just leave, she shook her head and took another drag, that would work for her, but she knew that Steve and or Bucky would come after her. That definitely wouldn't help.

"Hey."

She jumped out of her skin, so consumed with her own self pity she hadn't heard the door to the roof open or anyone approach and now he was stood right in front of her. She roughly wiped her hoodie sleeve over her eyes and face, trying to erase her tears, but the puffiness and redness in her eyes were harder to conceal. "What do you want Bucky?"

"Please don't cry."

She wiped her sleeve over her face again. "Yeah, well it's not for want of trying."

He took a step towards her and she had to fight with herself not to back away from him. "I was going to leave you alone, but then I had to see you to say something..."

"Look, I'm sorry..."

"You've got nothing to be sorry for. I thought we had something, but I guess it's..." he trailed off not knowing what to say.

She took a last drag of her cigarette before tossing it over the side. "We did Bucky, but it wasn't completely real and even though I don't fully understand it, it scares me. Thinking of you like that scares me."

"I would never hurt you." He took another step, he was right in front of her now.

"It's not you that I'm scared of. I'm scared that I'll always just associate you the them and that anything we had or could have had is tainted because of that, do you see?" He didn't respond he just keep looking at her. "I couldn't be with you Bucky not ever knowing that what I was feeling for you was real or not. I feel used and dirty and I don't want that."

He looked at his feet nodding and biting his lip. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault though."

"You and Steve, that's real?" She nodded another tear slipping down her face.

"I never meant to hurt you Bucky."

He nodded. "I know." Meeting her eyes. "I just thought that with...you taking the cure, we could..." he ran his hand over his face.  "But, I get it."

"Do you though? Beucase I need you to understand Bucky I know what Steve means to you."

"Everything." 

Robyn swallowed the lump in her throat. "I'm sorry. I can leave for a while maybe and you two can..."

"No! Your not leaving him. Dumbass punk will only follow you."  He shrugs. "It ok, I get it, I don't want to, but I do." He looks away from her perfect face, resisting the almost uncontrollably urge to move closer to her. "Go to him." She looked at him confused by his words.  "We argued, he needs you." She didn't move and opened her mouth to speak, but wasn't able to. "Please, go. Because if you don't I will kiss you right now, I will put my hands on you.." he runs his hands through his hair and pulls on the scalp a little in an effort to contain or control how he feels.  "Because I can't think of anything else right now and I know it's not what you want. I could've live with myself if I did. He loves you and he deserves the fucking world Robyn, ...give it too him." He said it all whilst looking at the floor.