Sketchbook

Chapter 15

     I returned home from the hospital a few days later. I even started going back to therapy which I felt more excited to attend now. My therapist found out about what happened, and decided I needed to let go of the antidepressants and instead focus on living my life distraction free, full of love and happiness.
     Father allowed Charles to visit the house now, but I'm not allowed to be alone with him, as a father would say.
     Anna also came over more often. We really needed to catch up on things because it's just been too long. So, one day when Anna came over, we went up to my room and we talked. Talked about everything that's happened between us since, well, you know.
     "How've you been?" I asked Anna.
     "Ever since we separated, I don't think I was ever ok. I thought that I was perfectly fine without you, but I wasn't. I was always alone. And Brady, that son of a bitch didn't give a shit about me." She paused and looked at me. It's like she was looking into my soul. "I know what he did to you..." she said.
"What do you mean?" I said, not really wanting her to think anything actually happened.
"I know what happened, you don't have to lie to me." She said.
Knowing her for my whole life, I know better than to lie to her. "How do you know?" I asked.
"He told me."
"Why would he tell you?" I asked.
She grabbed my hands but looking away from my eyes. "Because he did the same to me."
My eyes widened. I released myself from her hands and pulled her face to look at mine. "He did it to you too?" I said in a very light but serious tone.
She nodded as a tear fell down her cheek. "The truth is," she said, "he always told me he was gonna get in your pants, but every time he missed his chance, It was me he got a hold of. Every time."
A tear fell down my cheek as well. I can't believe he's been doing this to my best friend this entire time.
She continued, "I only tried to fight him off the first time, but he was so much stronger than me. Every other time, I just let him cause what can I do?"
I didn't know what to say. So, I just brought her into my embrace. She cried on my shoulder and I cried onto hers.
"I love you, Jayda, and I will always be here for you no matter how mad I am. Just please don't ever leave my side. I am so lost without you," She said.
"I'm right here Anna, and I love you too."
We stayed in each other's embrace for a few seconds until I asked. "You know he's dead now, right?"
"Yea, I know," she said calmly, "Charles told me the day you checked in the hospital. I told him everything."
"And what did he say?"
"He was heartbroken. That was his best friend, and he had no idea what he was doing to us and probably other women too. He was so angry but so depressed. I made sure he was ok while you were in the hospital. I called him everyday, and we hung out together. We visited you everyday as well."
"Well, what about you?" I asked.
"What about me?" Anna said.
"When Charles told you what'd happened, what'd you say? How'd you feel about it?"
"I felt like the happiest girl alive. I cried tears of fucking joy. I didn't say it to Charles, but I said to myself, 'I hope that motherfucker is burning in hell.'"
Truth is, I felt the exact same way. I'm not one to wish death on anybody, but Brady absolutely deserves it. He intentionally destroyed our lives and showed no remorse for it. I'm glad he's dead.
Suddenly, there was a knock on my door. Father was calling for us because Mother had made dinner. Anna and I went downstairs to eat, and we pretty much devoured our food. Mother makes the best burgers.

That evening, the phone rang. Mother answered and said it was for me. It was my therapist calling to let me know that our appointment for next week is canceled due to some important family business Dr. Carla has. She told me to make sure I'm getting lots of rest and spending lots of time with my family. I told her I'd make sure I do.
     Anna ends up having to leave since it's getting pretty late. So I give her a hug, and I tell her bye and that I love her.

At around 9:30, I headed up to bed. But before I went to my room I went to my son's room. Father gave up his office, so I could turn it into a baby room. It's very beautiful with blue walls and a cute white rug with dinosaurs on it. And the crib was white as well. My baby boy could finally sleep peacefully in his own space.
     I went up to him where he was sleeping. I didn't want to disturb his sleep, so I just whispered "goodnight" and left for my bedroom.
I shut my bedroom door behind me as I leaned up against it while remembering the day I just had. I then go to my bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I really didn't like how I looked. I looked tired, stressed... and lonely. I looked over to my bathtub thinking about the last time I was in it. That's when I noticed the empty antidepressant bottle was still on the floor. I walked over to pick it up and immediately threw it in the trash. I looked back at myself through the mirror and just stood there for some time. Eventually I washed my face, brushed my teeth and headed back into my room into my bed which felt a lot more comfortable than usual. Not long after I fell asleep...