Insecurity

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"Ugh."

You groaned as you look at yourself in the mirror. Why couldn't you be perfect and pretty like all the other girls? Why couldn't you have that perfect, chiselled physique that most girls seemed to have? Why was life so unfair?

You frowned as you scanned your body, top to bottom, posing, testing out different angles and positions to see if it would make you look any better. Nope. No matter what you did, you were hideous. Ugly. Imperfect. How could anyone love you when you looked like this?

It baffled you to think that Natasha still wanted to date you. How can she find it within her to tell you she loves you everyday? She must be lying. Trying to keep you happy and positive, when deep down she doesn't really love you. Not as much as she says. When you and Natasha started dating 6 months ago, you didn't look like this, you were much more healthy and attractive. Training day in and day out, as well as upholding a strict diet and sticking to a solid skincare routine meant that back then you looked perfect. Your body was perfectly built and beautifully tanned. That was the girl that Natasha fell in love with. But you hadn't been on a mission since then. You fell out of your routine, eating poorly, skipping workouts and your skin had started to get more pale. How can she love you?

You scoffed and planted yourself on the floor, legs crossed, still looking at yourself in the mirror. You just continued observing all of your imperfections, tears pooling in your eyes. You couldn't contain it anymore. You just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. You pulled your knees into your chest and wrapped your arms around your legs. Your head rested on your knees as you continued weeping. How did you let yourself get to this point? Why didn't you just look after yourself?

[The truth is, you really hadn't changed that much. Yes you were right, you had lost a bit of your tan, but it was winter, that's what's supposed to happen. Your skin was still fairly clear apart from the occasional red area on your chin but it really wasn't major. And you were still fit and toned as hell. You were perfect. But you couldn't see that. You're perfect <3]

Just then, the door clicks open as Nat walks in. She was giggling, looking down at her phone, just about to show you a funny video that she had found. As she looked up, her smile dropped as she saw you curled up on the floor, staring at yourself in the mirror with tears running down your face. Your cheeks were stained red and so was the tip of your nose. Your brow was slightly furrowed as you sat there feeling sorry for yourself.

"Y/N!!" she gasped, rushing over to you, throwing her phone on the bed and kneeling down beside you. She looked to you concerned, waiting for you to say something. "Nat... d-do you love me?" you whispered, now looking at her, still cuddling your knees. "Yes, of course I do baby. Why would you even ask that?" She replies softly, wiping the tears from your face and brushing loose strands of hair out of your face. Your lip trembled and you shifted your gaze to look down at your hands as you were now playing with your fingers. It was a nervous thing. "b-but i'm so ugly," you sighed "and i'm not as tanned or as fit as I used to be. H-how can you love me?"

She gave a soft smile, her eyes riddled with worry but also with love. She placed a hand on your knee and gently stroked it before moving her hand and placing it on your hands to get you to stop playing with them. You stopped and grabbed one of her fingers and squeezed it softly, then played with the ring on her index finger. She placed a lingering kiss on your forehead and ran her other hand through your hair. Neither of you said anything. You kept playing with her ring, avoiding eye contact. And she kept littering the side of your face with gentle kisses. As she moved to kiss around your ear she mumbles, "You're perfect just the way you are." You smile as her hand moves you rub your back, coating you in more kisses and she hummed lightly at the feeling of you still fiddling with her jewellery.

She pulled away scooting back, and shifted from sitting on her knees to sit with her legs crossed. She smiled at you now visibly more cheery and gestured at you with grabby hands, signalling you to come sit on her lap. You gladly shuffled over and climbed into her lap, wrapping an arm around her neck and resting your head on hers. One of her arms rubbed your back slowly whilst she offered out her other hand for you to play with. You did just that, and continued to play with her jewellery. She covered your face in little kisses, moving down your neck, and along your collarbone. "I wish you could see how cute you are. You're my pretty girl and I love ALL of you." She mumbled into your skin.

Turns out she did love you. You got in your head a lot about your looks and sometimes you can't help but judge yourself. But Nat always knew how to make you feel loved. "I'm sorry. I love you." You muttered, wrapping your other arm around her neck, now cuddling her tightly. "You're adorable" she mutters, rubbing your back.

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