Only You

Chapter Five: Everyone Needs a Good Cry Sometimes

Amber

Once the tears started there was little I could do to stop them, with every bad thought that had been running rampant in my mind finally coming to the surface, the tears streamed down my cheeks blurring my vision.

I prided myself on keeping a strong front, on never letting anyone see that I had moments of weakness. I kept my emotions controlled, all except my anger that raged without any means of simmering all until I met Ryan. He broke through my heavily guarded wall when he kissed me for the first time and I just knew he was the only one for me.

Since he had been gone I held on tightly to my perfect glass bottle, I didn't tell anyone about the countless sleepless nights, didn't mention to my best friend that my twin and I hadn't spoken in months, that I had been fired from my job because I didn't show up for work. I didn't tell anyone that I was slowly cracking and now my perfect bottle had finally broken, every fear, doubt and insecurity on full display for Ryan my glue.

He was finally here standing in front of me, holding me in his arms whispering everything I needed to hear but it wasn't enough. A pain like no other gripped my heart, I couldn't breathe no matter how much air I sucked in, it only became harder with every gasp. A wave of nausea washed over me making me stumble out of his grasp against the wall, trying to calm my racing heart I couldn't suck in enough air.

Guilt washes over me like a thick blanket, embarrassed for falling apart in front of him the night he made all my dreams come true I struggle even more to inhale. My heart pumps faster, squeezes tighter, and I gasp desperately for air. He must think I am so weak closing my eyes I can't handle seeing the pity in his eyes and I sink to the ground chest rising and falling so quickly it burns.

"You have to calm down Amber listen to me baby, you have to inhale through your nose and exhale out your mouth." He's crouched in front of me, no pity in his eyes only concern. His big, callused fingers brushed away my tears and I open my eyes, his blue eyes peering into mine. His other hand is in my hair, holding my head up right so I could look at him.

Sucking in a ragged breath I shake my head and struggle to suck in the next. My heart is beating loudly in my ears, his soft soothing voice can't be heard over the loud drum. I grip my chest and throat in my hands trying to explain to him that I can't breathe let alone calm down.

Both of his hands frame my face suddenly, eyes wide with panic. I have no control over my actions I wish he could understand I was as scared as he was. His touch wasn't soothing away my fear, his voice promising me he was here wasn't enough.

Why isn't he enough?

"I'm here, I'm right here and I love you. I love you Spitfire. I'm here baby." Pushing away from his touch my head hits the wall hard. Pain flashes through his eyes as he reaches for me once again, I shake my head arms pushing him away even though everything in my head is screaming at me to hold him, to find safety in his arms.

"P-p-please d-d-don't t-t-touch m-me." My own voice sounds completely foreign to me as a sob rattles through my chest shaking my whole body.

"Okay baby just watch me, inhale through your nose, and exhale out your mouth." Mimicking his breathing, I close my mouth even though my head screams at me not too and take a quick inhale through my nose and only then do I open my mouth to exhale.

I do this ten more times, and my racing heart finally slows down, until it is a steady thump in my chest. Dropping my head to his chest, with a low whimper I shed the rest of my tears and when exhaustion settles in my bones, my body going slack against his, his arms finally wrap around me and he holds me to his chest. Arms strong and secure, body hard and protective around me, absorbing all my pain. He drops a kiss to the crown of my head. "I'm home, I'm here forever."