Bitter & Sweet

12. Making Friends

Time jump ************

Still Forth's POV

It was so perfect, even I couldn't have planned it so perfectly. I spent all week trying to think of a way to get the boy alone, only to meet with resistance at every turn. Then without any plotting at all, he'd tripped and fallen hard in front of everyone, making it perfectly natural for me to take him to the hospital and stay with him while they x-rayed his ankle and left him waiting for the diagnosis.

"You don't have to wait with me," Yo gifted me with his sweet, shy smile. "I know you're probably busy. I can wait by myself."

"No, no, no," I shook my head, giving him a serious look. "You're working for me, after all. That makes you my responsibility. What kind of person would I be if I just left you alone?"

"You're a really good boss," Yo commented, giving me a bright smile. "It must be so much work to take responsibility for all your employees this way."

For half a second, the way he looked up at me made me feel like I was Superman, but the look in his eyes was so innocent, as though he really saw me as a good person with no ulterior motives and it brought me crashing back down to Earth. I wasn't a hero, I was Lex Luther pretending to be Superman. I'd only been being kind to him so I could steal him away from Pha, but his sweetness and trust made me feel like the worst person in the world. When had I turned into this person?

"The way Pha talked about you sometimes," Yo was looking at his legs, like he was too embarrassed to look in my eyes, "I thought maybe you were a bad guy. But he's wrong about you. You're really nice, underneath it all, aren't you?"

The trust in his eyes should have made me feel triumphant, but instead, I felt like a villain. How could he believe in me so easily? Why was he so trusting? Didn't he know that people could lie and scheme and do things behind his back? Didn't he know that I could hurt him? If he trusted me too much, I would break his heart.

I wanted to warn him, to somehow remind him and myself that I was, in fact, not a good person but Yo smiled at me and took my hand, "Thank you for helping me. I'm glad you're my friend."

I was lost. In that moment, I realized I wouldn't hurt this boy even if it killed me. He was too kind, too sweet, too trusting. Even I couldn't knowingly make him sad. For the first time in a long time, I felt a genuine smile on my face. It was strange, like I'd nearly forgotten how to smile, but it happened.

Yo looked at me and his expression changed, "I've seen you before!"

"You see me all the time," I looked at him, trying to decipher the way he was looking at me now.

"No, I mean, I recognize you from before."

"You recognize me from somewhere?" I asked, noting the way Yo looked at me in sudden surprise. We'd been seeing each other all week. If we met before, why would he just remember me now?

"I've seen your pictures before," he smiled, his adorable blush rising, "a couple of times."

"I can't believe Pha keeps a picture of me in his office or his home," I chuckled at the idea. "Ah, you're his assistant. You must have opened the box of books I sent!"

I chuckled harder, wondering if Pha had asked this cutie to throw all the books out or if he'd done it himself.

"Yes I saw those pictures," he said with a little grimace. "I knew that was you already. But your smile just now was so different that I couldn't help noticing your resemblance to the other pictures."

"What are you talking about? You saw me in other pictures?" I asked, confused.

"My boss has your picture on his phone," Yo said with a little smile, looking down at his feet.

"You mean Pha?!" I couldn't hide the horror in my voice. Please don't tell me that Pha has a crush on me. Honestly that would just be too creepy.

"Not Pha, Beam," Yo looked at me with innocent eyes and I gasped a little. My Beam? "He looks at pictures of you on his phone sometimes when he doesn't think anyone will notice."

I took a deep breath, remembering the man I'd loved since college. The man who'd been mine for a brief while, until I'd been stupid enough to push him away. I'd been jealous and forced him to choose between me and his best friend. He'd begged me to try to make peace, to trust him, but in the end I'd given him an ultimatum and he'd chosen his best friend. I knew I was being unreasonable and he would choose his friend, but I couldn't make myself stop.

"In his pictures, you can see the happiness and the smile in your eyes," Yo said, looking like he felt sad. "Your smile now is different. It's a smile but it isn't happy. It's fake. Like a smile you put on for strangers."

I felt the smile freeze on my face as I worked through what he'd said. I really was that person. Kit had told me not to play with Yo because Pha cared about him. That if I took him, it would no longer be a friendly rivalry, but I'd continued to try to get him anyway. I always had to win, no matter how much I lost in the process.

Now here I was, like an idiot, really caring about Yo. I wanted to be his friend, but to have him understand that I wore a mask at work, when he barely knew me at all, was even more than I could take. I'd been a jerk, but I wouldn't be anymore. In the back of my mind, I thought of Beam. When Yo told me that Beam still thought of me, I felt happier than I'd felt for a long time. Maybe if I stopped this ridiculous game with Pha, I'd be able to get Beam back? Maybe if I didn't always have to win, I could start being the person Beam needed me to be?

Flashing Yo my real smile, I looked down at him, glad that I had met him. I pulled him into my arms, giving him a hug, thankful that we'd met and had this short time to become friends. He'd made me remember what it felt like to be a real friend and to have people in my life who cared about me. I felt hopeful for the first time in a long time.

"Get your hands off my boyfriend!" a harsh voice sounded from behind me as I was jerked roughly away from Yo. Since I'd been hugging him and hadn't had a chance to let go when I was pulled back, Yo started to fall forward, landing on the ankle that he'd hurt earlier. Pha took ahold of Yo's arms, pulling him back on the examination table and took my place with his arms around Yo, lifting his chin to make sure he was okay. Even in that moment, when he was obviously angry, Pha only cared about Yo. It made me miss Beam even more.

"Sorry, Pha," I said, putting my arms up in surrender to show him I meant no harm. I couldn't even get mad at him. "I was just giving him a hug, as friends."

"You should keep your hands to yourself," Pha gave me an angry look before turning sweet eyes back to Yo. "Are you okay, baby? Was he bothering you?"

Before Yo answered, I spoke up, "I'm glad you're here. We were waiting to see what the doctor said about his ankle. I've got something important to do, but I didn't want to leave Yo here alone. Let me know if you need anything, Yo. I'll see you on Monday!"

Then I was out the door and looking through my phone for Beam's old number. I could only hope he hadn't changed it since we were in college together. If all else failed, I knew where he worked. I felt a smile on my face as I walked, not the one I used for the rest of the world, but the real one that showed I was happy.