The Undeniable

Chapter 26 - Answers

Chapter 26 - Answers

I sat down at the table, me on one side and my parents on the other looking back at me. It felt like I was having an interview for a job, or being interrogated for murder. 

To be honest I wish that was what was happening. 

Instead we were about to start a conversation to try and fix things between my mother and myself which in my opinion was completely pointless because that was never going to happen. 

'Kara', my dad started, clasping his hands together nervously as he looked at me across the table. 'There are some things we need to talk about' 

No shit, I thought, staying silent and waiting for somebody else to continue. 

'Kara i have made a lot of mistakes' my mother spoke now, fixing her eyes on mine. It had been the first time she had properly looked at me. 'And i am very sorry for that'.

I scoffed at her pathetic attempt at an apology, and didn't even bother to answer. 

She swallowed uncomfortably. 'Leaving you and your father when you were so young was..' she stopped, searching for the right word. 'Well, it was..'

'Fucked up?' I offered

'Kara!' my Dad snapped, glaring at me across the table. 

I ignored him. 'Damaging? Completely heartless?' I offered some more alternatives. 

Her eyes were welling up with tears, and I realised I didn't feel one inch of sympathy or compassion towards her. 

'Yes, Im sure it was all those things' she whimpered, 'And I wish I could make it up to you and go back In time and change it all but I can't' 

I so badly wanted to walk away and tell her I didn't care what she had to say, but I had promised Sarah and Ryan I would listen to what she said. 

I calmed myself down, taking a few deep breaths. 

'I want answers, not apologies' I stated

'Ask me anything' she replied, glancing at my father to which he nodded at her. Did he know things that I didn't know?

'Why did you leave?' I asked

I could see in her face that she was expecting this question. 

'I was in love with another man' she said, after some hesitation. 

I took a sharp breath in as my eyes darted to my dad. He didn't look sad, but instead he had a knowing look on his face. He had known about this for a long time. 

'Okay..' i spoke slowly, accepting her answer. 'So thats why you left dad, why did you leave me?' 

Her eyes widened slightly, and she looked confused. Clearly she wasn't expecting this question. 

'The truth is, I just don't know Kara' she answered honestly. 

'I do' I spat, getting angry again. 'You left your young daughter for a man because you are selfish.' 

The comment was simple, and completely true, but i could see it had cut my mother deep. Probably because nobody had ever been so brutally honest with her before. 

Even my dad looked shocked that I had said that to her. 

'You never even visited' I choked on my words, realising suddenly that i was welling up a bit too. I quickly blinked back the tears, reluctant to show any signs of weakness. 

She looked down at her hands that were shaking now. 

'Why didn't you visit?' i asked, my voice came out sounding timid and quiet. I felt like it was the voice of my ten year old self wondering what i had done to make my mother hate me so much that she never wanted to see me. 

My parents hesitated and looked at each other slowly. 

'She is old enough to know now' he said to my mother, and placed his hand on top of her shaking one. It was a friendly gesture, not a romantic one, but it made me nervous. 

'Kara, i had a drug problem' she said, a tear rolling down her cheek

My eyebrows pulled up together in confusion. A drug problem? But we had been such a normal happy family. 

'I had been suffering with my addiction for years and years, prior to leaving you' she continued. 'I was a bad mother, a selfish one.' 

She was looking up at me again. 

'There were a couple of incidents' she hesitated

'Incidents?'

'I had been high when i was looking after you, and you would hurt yourself and i wouldn't realise. I was so caught up in it all.' more tears rolled down her face

My dad was looking down now, and I could see it was painful for him to revisit these experiences. 

'I know this may be hard to believe Kara, but leaving you was the first thing I had ever done as a mother that wasn't selfish. I was bad for you, and the man I was in love with was going to help me get better' 

'So are you better now?' I asked, slightly hesitant. 

'Yes' she answered. 'I have been sober for three years now' 

'so why didn't you come and find me again?' i felt a couple of tears running down my own cheeks now. 

'Things came up, and i was busy and i didn't exactly know how to walk back into your life again. The letters weren't working and it wasn't until i bumped into your father that i realised i had to see you in person.' 

I paused for a few seconds, taking it all in. Then i pushed back in my chair, making it scrape on the floor and stood up. 

'I am grateful for the answers' I started

'I'm glad, I just want to make amends and fix everything. I want to be your mother again' She gave me a small smile but i didn't return it. 

'I'm sorry about your addiction, but i don't want you to be my mother again' The expression on her face dropped but i carried on. 'Now you can go back home, and know that we have fixed things. But please, don't contact me again' 

I began walking away, picking up my school bag as i headed towards the stairs. 

'But Kara' she called desperately, standing up from her seat

'I will contact you when I am ready' I stated simply, 'But don't expect that to be any time soon' And with that I went up to my room, closed the door and didn't come out until the next morning. 

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Authors Note: 

I know that i have been unbelievably crappy about uploading recently, and that this chapter is short, but i am on half term now which means i have a week off school. 

I will be uploading a lot more this week, so forgive me for this chapter. 

xx