That one summer

When you have nothing to do, it doesn't really matter what you spend your time on.  So, last summer I went on a road trip with someone I hardly knew.  This was unexpected, normally if we are unattached, we go out or spend time with people in the hope of finding a potential romance or future romantic connection or perhaps even just a summer fling in the hope that it will come to life the next summer and eventually stay all the seasons in our lives.  But this one was none of it to say the least, purely just an adventure of spirit to rid boredom.  

As we spent everyday with no expectation and not trying to impress each other, I realized I was at the risk of exposing my true self.  We talked about almost anything, laughed at each others jokes, discussed about our deepest dreams that perhaps may never come true.  We walked hand in hand in some isolated beach that may have been a romantic spot for lovers but to us it was just a moment in time - nothing more. Ironically, when we are consciously not looking for love, we position ourselves in the most unromantic situations which makes every moment even more realistic and unpleasantly romantic.  I unintentionally spent most times basically squashing every chance of romance coming my way, and I think he was doing the same thing too.  However much to my surprise, I made a discovery that every effort to resist the emotional disturbance cause at a moments time creates another state of inner turmoil in my head causing me to question my judgments.  

Time flies fast when you have a great time, I knew our days together were numbered and soon enough it was time to say goodbye. Not even a hint of tomorrow or a promise of the future when we went our separate ways. It was a casual goodbyes as it was a casual hello when we met.  As we parted I thought to myself, "hmmmm... this summer didn't disturb my equilibrium... nah! It was nothing special".  However, as the time passed by day and night like clockwork and distance became more apparent in my head.  I took a glance of that summer and it drifted my thoughts of him.  For a moment, I suddenly felt like I was gazing at a distant star, it was dancing from a thousand light years away, it is possible that the star doesn't exist anymore, yet the light is the most realistic thing that ever happened to me not only this summer but in my life.  Spending time with him that way has showed me what I have been missing all these years. 

I guess when there are no expectations, there are no rules to live by, no limits, no disguise.  There is only you and the reality of the moment that you may have stared at the face of love in the most unexpected circumstance in a given space and time.  Yet you never knew that it was real until you realized that after all this time, all along you have been trying to convince yourself that it was not REAL!!! So, was it? really?!!!