In My Feelings | Harry Styles

One

September 16, 2020

You were standing in your bathroom, blurring the red lipstick around the edges of your lips in front of the mirror while Charlotte sat on the lid of the toilet behind you, telling you about a fight she had with her boyfriend the night before.

"Can I be honest with you?" You asked her, resting both hands on the edges of the sink, looking at her through the mirror.

"It's stupid, isn't it? We're fighting over nothing."

You scrunched up your nose and nodded. She finished her sigh just as Sarah came to lean against the doorframe, her eyes on her phone.

"They said they're going to meet us there in, like, half an hour. Is that good?"

Charlotte said "yes" at the same time you asked, "they?"

"Ooo." Charlotte's attention moved to her lap and Sarah averted her eyes when you looked at her.

"He's coming?" She nodded and you groaned.

"I'm sorry! Mitch was with him and when he asked what he was doing tonight, Harry asked if he could come...and Mitch said yes."

"And he knows why we're going out for drinks?"

"Yes."

"So he's not going to be a dick to me tonight?"

"Are you going to be a dick to him?"

"Haven't decided yet."

Charlotte chuckled as Sarah sent you a disapproving look.

You had been friends with Sarah for a little over a year. You were a writer, freelance for a while, and you did a small piece on her and a few other female drummers about what it was like; specifically asking about the misogyny that existed within the industry, whether or not there was some kind of stick-togetherness attitude among the few that there were. You two had really hit it off during her interview and so she asked you to get a drink, and then a few days later you asked her to get dinner, and then you went shopping, and then you had a wine night...and it all grew from there.

Then she started inviting Charlotte since they started seeing a lot of one another again during the process of making the album. Then, since Mitch also really liked you, Sarah finally invited you out with the four of them and Adam (who also enjoyed your company). Harry did too at first, and you enjoyed his, but the more time you spent around him...the more you found that you didn't really like him. You didn't really like him at all.

He refused to ever take responsibility for his actions, to admit that it was he who had fucked up, who hurt someone. You saw the way he cared for his friends and could see the love in his eyes when he talked about his family...but when he talked about his exes or other girls he was dating...you wanted to laugh. He seemed to twist everything. Everything was always their fault.

One night in particular, you were all sitting around the kitchen table at your place, all a little bit more than tipsy.

You were all talking about past relationships, sharing horror stories, and embarrassing date stories when you turned your attention on Harry.

"What about you?"

He had been mostly quiet.

He shrugged, "My last relationship ended...badly."

"Oh?" You asked.

"Yeah, Harry cheated on her." Mitch brought his beer up to his lips and Harry shot him a look.

"Oh." You said.

"It wasn't my fault." Harry tried to reassure you and you just raised your eyebrows at him. "I'm serious. I..didn't really have a choice."