My Hidden Desires? Part 1

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Author's Note:

For those who skipped the chapter "Please, LIVE" - as promised, I will not let you to be left behind. Although this chapter will be divided into two parts and the previous chapter will be like a blurred memory in the POV of the main character.

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The night sky is jewelled with bright and twinkling stars.

Standing on the porch as I scan the outside world of this room — no matter how much I stare at the vast green lands in front of me, it doesn't change the fact of how unrealistic this whole place is.

A few minutes had passed ever since I woke up into this unfamiliar room.

I'm guessing that I'm still inside a dream.

After what had happened in that dark place and now being here in this princess-like bedroom, I'm guessing that I'm still unconscious at home.

That's the only logical explanation that I can come up with.

The room that I'm in is quite big and too feminine. Based on the set up of the bedroom, I'm probably in a historical kind of place, like one of those palaces or castle mansions in the 19th century. 

I somehow have a small knowledge about this kind of stuff

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I somehow have a small knowledge about this kind of stuff.

After all, I'm so immersed into manga and anime that involve reincarnation or transmigration into historical eras of Europe.

In fact, I would always imagine myself being a main character wearing commoner's clothes and falling in love with a gallant prince, who was engaged into a villainess. But because of our blossoming love to one another, he will break his engagement with her and will choose me instead.

You know, the typical story for a heroine- wannabe except that I'm not bullied by anyone even by the villainess. She was just called that because people misinterpret her actions every time she tried to scold me for being improper.

The truth is that she sees me as a younger sibling and she wants me to be the best version of myself. She also doesn't like the prince and in fact, she was in love with another man from another kingdom — that was always my fantasy and I would, most of the time, daydream about it.     

Since it looks like I won't be waking up any moment soon, I want to see what I would look like in my subconscious state.

I immediately searched for a mirror and found one on top of the bedside cabinet.

The moment my eyes met the reflection on the mirror, I suddenly felt dizzy.

I caught a quick glance of those verdant colour of eyes and that small nose as well as those pink lips.

Cupping my face, I felt that I'm symmetrically perfect in any corner of my face. My hair has a vibrant color of silver that even the dim light coming off the candles cannot hide its glowing beauty. Stretching my arms, I noticed my clear and porcelain skin with such small and delicate hands.  

Just as expected, I am so into anime that even in my subconscious- I've become one. But I didn't expect it to be so PERFECTLY MAGNIFICENT!

On top of that, I think I am a noble lady with a silver spoon in my mouth — judging from all of these luxurious thingamabobs inside this huge room.

I can live lavishly in this place before I wake up into the real world where assignments  and duties awaits me. 

Everything inside of this room looks so realistic that even when I touched it, I could really feel its texture.

Like this huge teddy bear that I'm currently hugging. It's the softest thing I ever laid my hands on.

My eyes caught a glance of a musical instrument displayed near the bed. If I'm not mistaken, this thing is called a 'cello' and is one of the mostly used instruments in European classical music. I wonder if I could play that.

Just as I was about to hold the mirror in order to inspect this beautiful face once again, the door burst open and a young girl wearing a maid's clothes came in. 

"My- my LADY!!!"

She shouted at the top of her lungs — dropping the basin she's holding, as she made her way towards me. 

"You're finally awake. *sobs* I... I thought w-we lost you. *sobs*"

All of a sudden, she started sobbing while clinging to my nightgown. She looks pitiful that I instinctively want to comfort her. 

I reached my hands to her and gently wrapped her into an embrace.

What if in reality, this person in front of me was just a pillow in an hospital bed and I was unconsciously hugging it like my life depends on it? That would be extremely funny. I just hope nobody is around while I'm unconsciously doing weird stuff. 

We were in that position for at least a few minutes when I felt that she finally calmed down.  

"Are you hurt somewhere? Shall I call for the doctor right away? Are you perhaps thirsty? I'll fetch some warm tea so you can drink, milady." - she frantically said as she wipes the tears off her eyes.

"Uhmmm....Wa-wait... Who- who are you?" I know that this is just a dream but seeing her feels like it would be a waste if I don't enjoy this moment and try to befriend her. I also need a guide that can tell me the basic things about this place. Even if it is my subconscious, I'm still not sure what I will uncover in this petty head of mine. 

"Milady?!... Do you not remember me?"

I nodded in response.

"How...? How about 'his highness', Prince Jedrick?"

"Who?"

"Him? Do you not know HIM, milady?"

"I don't know what you'r-......WHAT THE HECK IS ALL OF THOSE?!?" 

She opened a wardrobe that is filled with — merchandises?!?! There are pillows and posters of ikemen* 2d guys piled up inside. There was even a mannequin with their face plastered on it and several things including a suspicious labeled boxes of male clothes and photos that seemed like stolen shots. What kind of a weirdo am I? Is this perhaps.... my hidden desires?

After seeing my stupefied reaction, the young girl immediately left without a word. 

Filled with dismay, I approached the wardrobe and started inspecting what was inside.

Gosh, there's even an album where there's cut out pictures of me and those guys being together. I can't believe this.

What do I even want to do with four mannequins dressed as a prince?!

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*Ikemen means handsome/ good-looking guys.

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