Secret Sorrows

18 years ago...

"OK Push" A young red headed nurse said as she pushes my legs slightly back to help me push. "Ahhhhh!" I screamed at the top my lungs with pure agony . "I can't anymore." I quickly paused to catch my breath. "I can't" I started to breath heavier as if I just ran a mile run, I looked up at this beautiful young nurse, I shook my head" I already pushed one out, it's too painful I can't anymore" i said in total defeat.

The Red headed Nurse who's name i can't remember at the moment responds "you're almost there sweetie i can see the head, Just give me one more big push and this will all be over" she encouraged me, trying her best to keep me going. I took a deep breath and gave one more big push and few seconds later I hear the second most beautiful noise I've ever heard today a small cry, i hear the cries of my second newborn baby. I start crying. The tears come rolling down my face , I look over to my right to see the nurses cleaning the babies. After what seem like forever she finally walks over with two beautiful identical newborns in each arm to hand them over to me.

"Congratulations ka-" , she paused when she saw me shake my head , she knew what I meant " Um- you have two beautiful healthy identical baby boys."She announced as she hands me both of my boys , she turns to took at me"Did you have their names picked out yet?" She look at me with a smile waiting for an answer, I stayed quiet for a second as i observed both of my sons.

They remind me so much of the two most amazing men in my life who I miss so much and wish they were here to see them. A small smile start to creep up and so do the water works " Yeah I do, Meet Kaleb and Sawyer" i finally utter out proudly as tears continue to fall down my face. The nurse smiled as she wrote down the names of my boys on some type of paperwork she had with her.

She put her paperwork down on the counter behind her and pull something out of her scrub pockets. "okay smile take one picture with them" she said with a smile, I was hesitant at first but something told me I would regret not taking one, and I smiled with fresh tears still rolling down my face. A Flash goes off . "Beautiful!" She said. "As soon as I get this developed it's all yours." I nodded.

Her Smiled dropped, she could tell how unsure of when that would be. " I Know  hun, it's written all over your face but I'll be back Kate and i'll help you, I promise, but please wait for me" she nodded as she tried to tell me to stay. She turn around with her paperwork and walked out the room. Tears kept pouring down my face knowing i only had a few hours with them. Who knows when the last time I will see them.

An hour or two has pass since giving birth to the boys and all the halls were quiet, i knew it was too good to be true, I knew she wasn't gonna come back, and decided I need to do something, So i put the boys In their bassinet and got up from the bed and started to look for my Clothes & the clothes i brought the boys, I began to start dressing myself and my boys. Even though I should be resting I couldn't just sit here and do nothing.

I had no choice, i knew i had to do this before it was too late, before He finds us, I was ready, I grabbed my backpack and the boys,  I looked out to the halls to make sure the coast was clear, and once it was i took the boy and left and didn't look back, I know wasn't in any conditions to leave or to walk but there was no way i was staying here. There's no way he getting them. I fought through any pain I was feeling and headed for the exit.

******30 mins Later******

I had walked out of that hospital as fast as possible but I had to avoid as many cameras as possible, it was so dark outside there was no stars out, the streets were barely lit, I started walking in the first directions I looked at and kept walking in that directions , I passed some floral shop that possibly forgot or threw out easter baskets so I stop and put the boys each in one basket, I took off my backpack and grab the extra blankets I had prepared, and tucked them both in, I put my my backpack back on and started to walk again, it became easier to walk with them without anyone looking at me questioning why I have two newborns and dress like a crazy person in the middle of the night.