The Girl Who Wrote The Dating Manual

chapter twenty-four

please keep reading. this is not the end of the book. there's still more :)

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I’ve done a lot of hard things in my life.

            I’ve spent twelve years shaking and crying into a pillow as my parents argued mercilessly from downstairs, their voices carrying up the stairs and into my vulnerable ears. I’ve spent my whole life reserved; fearful that if I allowed someone into my life, I’d certainly meet a similar fate. I’ve moved across states to avoid my parents; said goodbye to friends I believed I’d have forever.

            I’ve lost so many people in my life; but I’ve also gained things, too.

            I’ve made friends, I found love, and I even gave up my virtue to a man that I honestly, truly loved.

            And, looking back, I know it wasn’t all in vain.

            Because Chance wasn’t a mistake. Despite our fights, despite his lies and secrecy, I did love him, not for those secrets, but for his caring smile, his kindness and determination. For that look in his eyes he gets when he attempts to concentrate, and the taste of his lips when he’s kissing you so passionately it makes your head spin.

            And, even after everything with Zoëy and the baby, I still loved him. I guess it’s true what they say; the first love is the hardest to lose. Because I didn’t know if I’d ever find someone I loved as much as Chance. I’d only felt an infatuation with Seth, and maybe a fleeting feeling for Jamie; but nothing like the love I felt for Chance. That was one-in-a-million.

            And maybe I should have stayed in America and attempted to mediate things with Chance. Maybe I shouldn’t have run away to England to escape my problems. But, then again, maybe I’ll never know.

            “I’m gonna miss you,” Ava told me after my duffel had been loaded into the trunk of the taxi cab early Sunday morning. She threw her arms around me and held onto me tightly, and I squeezed my eyes shut to try and avoid the tears. I hated goodbyes, and this was just as hard as any other.

            “I’ll miss you, too, Ave,” I told her thickly, my voice cracking with the need to cry. It’s so funny how you can physically feel sick at the thought of leaving behind someone you’ve only known for two and a half years, but I guess that’s how life goes. We fall in and out of love; and in and out of friendship.

            She pulled back and sniffed, her eyes red and watery. “Remember: call me when you get to England, call me at least twice a week, and video chat me whenever you can. I wanna know everything that happens in your life from now on, okay? Even something as insignificant as what you had for breakfast.”

            “This is definitely going to take a hit to my phone bill,” I joked, looking for something to say to ease the sad tension.

            She smiled. “I’m serious. Make sure you call me, and video chat me as soon as you can. But most of all—” She gripped my shoulders tightly to gain my attention. “—don’t lose touch.”