as unsinkable as i can be // the wilds

chapter six.

"I don't like her like that. I-I'm not-"

"Look, I get it. You don't have to tell me anything. I just really think you need to talk to her." Fatin winked, standing up, brushing herself off, and grabbing a Diet Coke from the pile.

"Hey! Manage your rations, Fatin!" Dot yelled at her, shaking her head. "God, she's gonna be out before the end of the day if she keeps it up like that," I heard her say to herself.

Fatin smiled mischievously at me, strutting over to where Toni was sitting, plopping down beside her, and crossing one long, shaven leg over the other.

"Hey Toni," she said, eyeing me a little but keeping her main focus on Toni. I made a motion with my hands, telling her to stop whatever she was about to do, shaking my head furiously. Fatin just smiled, blinking her long eyelashes in fake innocence.

"Hi, Fatin," Toni responded with a little confusion in her voice, but also not really paying attention.

"Do you listen to Girl in Red?" Fatin asked, scooting a little closer. I buried my face in my hands, trying to hide the anxious laughter that was bubbling inside me. Of all things to ask her, of course, she asks her that.

"Why, you tryin' to get some action?" Toni smirked, crossing her arms and trying not to laugh.

"Oh, yeah, the electric toothbrush just isn't doing it for me anymore," Fatin deadpanned.

"Wait, you have an electric toothbrush? My inventory was supposed to include everything!" Dot yelled from the other side of the fire.

At this point, the three of us lost it. We laughed so hard that we woke Martha up from her nap, who just looked at us in such confusion that we just laughed even harder.

"Wait, you were in on this too?" Toni asked me, and I shook my head.

"I had no idea what she was going to say. I was just as confused as you were," and Fatin just stood up and curtsied, waving her hand around in a mock royal wave.

"Thank you, thank you, I know, don't mention it. Just throw the roses at my feet and leave. Goodbye now, goodbye. Thank you." Martha giggled at this, trying to get up and copy her, but her ankle buckled and she cried out in pain. Fatin caught her, holding her up and leading her back to a log to sit on, closer to the fire.

"Hey, someone needs to do the water run for the day, since sunset is soon and no one has gone out and looked yet. Any volunteers?"

"I should stay and help Marty-" Toni automatically said, but Fatin cut her off.

"No, Toni, you and Raelynn go and look for water." She stole a glance at me and nodded a little. "I'll watch Martha and Dot can continue rationing the food and keep the fire going."

Toni tried to interject, but Fatin wouldn't budge, and finally, she gave in. My heart jumped a little at Fatin's sacrifice, but I wasn't exactly sure why. It... wasn't like I liked Toni or anything, not like that. I didn't understand what Fatin was talking about, especially when it came to "sexual tension."

We started up towards the forest, winding through the trees and crunching over bushes and twigs in the opposite direction that Nora, Rachel, Leah, and Shelby had gone, trying to cover more area at a time.

"You have to admit," I started, trailing a few feet behind Toni. "This place is beautiful."

I heard her sigh. "I feel like it would be a lot prettier if this was a vacation spot with a resort right around the corner and an all-you-can-eat buffet, swim-up bar, and girls in bikinis."

I laughed, imagining her at a swim-up bar in a bikini, and immediately shook the image from my head. Toni in hardly any clothes was not what I needed to be focusing on, not now, not ever.

"So, you're from South Carolina, right? I think that's what I heard you telling Nora." She held a bush back for me to cross, keeping the thorns out of my skin, and I nodded my head at her in thanks.

"Uh, yeah, the Greenville area. You're from... Minnesota, where Martha lives?"

She laughed a little. "Heh, yeah. Minnesota. We live on a res, her with her family and me with... with my foster fam." There was silence. "Mom's on that... rehab-rinse-repeat cycle." She paused again, fidgeting with the string of the swag bag she had on her back. "N-not that it matters or anything."

"Hey," I told her, stopping her by placing my hand on her shoulder. She turned around, and I smiled a little, trying to show support. "It does matter, Toni, and... I'm really sorry." She held eye contact for a second, and when her eyes flicked down to my lips and she leaned forward a little bit, I immediately pulled away, shaking my head. Her face fell, but she quickly turned back and started on the path again, sudden rage coursing through her.

Anxiety and guilt churned in my stomach, and I ran to catch up with her, jumping over logs and thorn bushes as she moved swiftly through the forest, anger ringing in every one of her steps.

"Toni, I'm-"

"Don't," she snapped, turning to face me, her nose nearly brushing mine. My fingers fidgeted with the hem of my shirt, trying with every ounce in my body to not close the space between our bodies. I couldn't. Not then, not after everything.

"Toni," I breathed, but she shook her head the tiniest bit, her eyes falling to my lips, and then further down, before shooting back up. Her tongue flicked over her bottom lip before biting it. A scowl deepened in her eyebrows.

"I said don't, Raelynn. Just..." she backed away, walking backward away from me. "Just don't." Her words echoed in my ears, thrumming in my pulse so loudly that I was sure she could hear every one of my heartbeats.

When she turned away from me, I squeezed my eyes shut, clenching my fists and grinding my teeth together.

No no no no no no no no NO! No... no... no...

My whole body began to shake, sweat clinging to my skin, and the ground swirling at my feet. I closed my eyes, tried to whisk my way out, tried to imagine what a protagonist would do, how someone would handle this in a book.

"Raelynn?" Her voice... it seemed so close and so far, like something that was reverberating off the back of a gymnasium and I couldn't tell where the source was.

"I-I-I can'ttt b-breathhhe. I c-can't... I can't I can't!"

And then there were arms, holding me, bringing me gently to the ground, tucking my face into their shoulder.

Her.

I tried, I really did, to tell myself this wasn't happening, that there was nothing there, that none of this ever happened.

"Rae-"

But there she was, right in front of me, coming closer and closer and now she was all I could see.

"T-Toni..."

"Shhh..." she soothed, rocking me a little, stroking my hair. "It's okay, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry."

I felt a tear run down my forehead. Then another. Then a little sniff.

They were hers.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered into my hair.